My Orchard Of Desire

I have an apple tree in my orchard, but I desire a cherry tree. I have roses growing in my garden but I desire lilies. I have sparrows that hop and skip but I desire the singing of the cuckoo. I have pine trees with their needles rubbing with the wind but I desire the flaming forest blossoms. My desire is overwhelming me and I am getting drowned in it. My desire is overtaking me and I don’t know how to stop it. I don’t even know if I should stop it? Should I?

Desire is different from want. Wants can be divided into four categories. Maslow pyramid has been well researched and accepted. Physiological wants like thirst, hunger and sex; intellectual wants where the person seeks mental stimulation by gaining knowledge and adding to one’s self esteem, social wants where personal esteem is tied to the way society view your social position. It is linked to prestige and power and financial wants which are linked to green bucks.  These four wants are needs which sustain a person and add to his well being. They are also vital to his sustenance and so necessary. The uppermost want is to actualize, to grow personally.

Physiological wants help the physical body to remain healthy while mental stimulation through books and hobbies help to stimulate the nervous system and oil the cerebral system. The want for affection and love from the people with whom we live helps in our emotional stability while material gains help us to survive and sustain. These wants also come with an inherent limit. We can eat only a certain amount of food or drink a certain liters of water per day. The love of our parents and acceptance by our teachers is primary for the welfare of others and a certain amount of money will help us to feel secure. Wants come with boundaries and these are inherent in the want itself. If we appreciate the boundaries we will always be happy. This raises a question, “should we not want more?’ 

 Every human being has an involuntary adjustment lever. The nervous system is able to pick up signals when the body and mind is satiated. This is not conditioned but it is present from birth. Have you seen a young baby burp after he is full? He may not know he is full but his body does. If you force feed the baby he will vomit. The baby does not want to vomit but his body is reacting as it knows it is being stuffed. If you read a child a story, after a few pages he loses interest. The brain is over loaded and needs to sleep. So the child yawns and takes his gaze away from the book. Even if you keep hugging the child with great love, after some time he will crawl away from you. He has had enough. Our body –mind is universally programmed to function according to what it wants. Your conditioned insecurity which has been socially ostracized may make you jumpy and shifty but the universe knows when and how much to give you. If you want more love, the circumstances are created where the man gets more. If you want more money you will involuntary work harder and earn more. Another job will be offered to you where your wants will be fulfilled. Haven’t you caught yourself saying, “I needed it and it just happened” or “It was coincidental or accidental.” The reality is that the universe adjusted your magnetic field in a manner that you could attract what you needed. Someone out there is exercising their intelligence to maintain the electromagnetic field of this universal matrix. Someone out there is not really interested in personal wants and gratification but it interested in maintaining the universal force field energetic dynamics. The universal intelligence also knows what will return the adjustment back to its mean. This indicates that objects, thoughts and emotions have their own frequency and vibrational strength. Whenever there is a loss or want the universe replaces it. I always marvel at the way man is informed about the damage he is doing to the planet. Hurricanes, floods and the recent phenomena of flash floods is evidence that the universal intelligence is trying to set things right. Nothing that is happening is without a reason and the sooner we understand it the faster the cosmic correction will occur.

Let’s look at desire now. I have my wants fulfilled but I desire more. I have a car which fulfills its purpose of taking me to my workplace but I desire a limousine. I am reminded of a patient who came to see me a decade ago. Let’s name him Suresh.

 Suresh was a 45 year old man with a pretty wife, two children and a flourishing poultry business. One day he was returning home from his morning jog when he chanced to see a car being cleaned next to his. His eyes grew bigger as the shine of the new car eclipsed his vision. He enquired from the Gurkha (watchman) whose car it was. The Gurkha pointed to the fourth floor window. Suresh was surprised. He moved into the lift deeply engrossed in thought of the owner of the car -Hair Prasad. His mind was thinking about how his neighbor Hari Prasad could afford a new car. He began comparing his status with Hari Prasad. Every moment after that he kept wishing he could change places with Hari. He thought of Hari’s wife as being more enterprising as she worked, Hari’s children as more obedient and Hari’s home as better decorated. Hari’s life was much better that his is what he concluded. This had an effect on his sleep and appetite. In a month’s time his business suffered as he began to feel depressed. When he arrived at my clinic he was a nervous wreck. He had decided that he was never going to get better, he was feeling defeated.

I just looked at him and smiled. Wow! What a man! He was giving me such insight into how a desire can play havoc in one’s mind and life. He told me that he had stopped meeting friends and was feeling worthless. Imagine someone’s car can make you see red!

I allowed him to chatter and sigh. My habit is to intervene when I feel the chattering has reached a crescendo. He fell silent. Tears glazed his eyes. I smiled again and held his hands. I said, “This is really painful, can you recount how it all started? Just bring back the first scene when you felt a lump in your throat?’ He closed his eyes and I guided him to see him watching Hari Prasad’s new car. As he was imagining the car I asked him is this car really important for his happiness? I repeated this question once more trying to shake his inner wise self. He had tears rolling down his eyes when I asked him sharply a third time. He choked with realization said, “No, not at all.” I asked him to repeat it three times. He did and then I asked him to see all he has in his life which make his life beautiful. He spoke about his adoring wife, naughty but cuddly kids, his supportive parents, caring brother, dotting sister… the list continued as I pushed him with the conjunction AND….. Very soon a smile appeared and in an hour’s time he paid he to get him to smile again. There was no great psychotherapeutic technique I applied for they would have never got him to smile, instead maybe got him more confused.

Not sometimes, but most of the time you need to be reminded of what you have and enjoy. You need to acknowledge the love and respect you already have gathered but never noticed it or given thought to it. You have to be shaken, woken and walked through it. This is what I did. I got him to self remember what he had forgotten.

He understood the difference between want and desire and since that day more than six years ago he is a happy man. He does call me at times and asks for advice and I just ask him to close his eyes and look within. Voila! Boom! The answer surfaced

All of us have to learn the art of sitting. Just sit.