My Orchard Of Desire

I have an apple tree in my orchard, but I desire a cherry tree. I have roses growing in my garden but I desire lilies. I have sparrows that hop and skip but I desire the singing of the cuckoo. I have pine trees with their needles rubbing with the wind but I desire the flaming forest blossoms. My desire is overwhelming me and I am getting drowned in it. My desire is overtaking me and I don’t know how to stop it. I don’t even know if I should stop it? Should I?

Desire is different from want. Wants can be divided into four categories. Maslow pyramid has been well researched and accepted. Physiological wants like thirst, hunger and sex; intellectual wants where the person seeks mental stimulation by gaining knowledge and adding to one’s self esteem, social wants where personal esteem is tied to the way society view your social position. It is linked to prestige and power and financial wants which are linked to green bucks.  These four wants are needs which sustain a person and add to his well being. They are also vital to his sustenance and so necessary. The uppermost want is to actualize, to grow personally.

Physiological wants help the physical body to remain healthy while mental stimulation through books and hobbies help to stimulate the nervous system and oil the cerebral system. The want for affection and love from the people with whom we live helps in our emotional stability while material gains help us to survive and sustain. These wants also come with an inherent limit. We can eat only a certain amount of food or drink a certain liters of water per day. The love of our parents and acceptance by our teachers is primary for the welfare of others and a certain amount of money will help us to feel secure. Wants come with boundaries and these are inherent in the want itself. If we appreciate the boundaries we will always be happy. This raises a question, “should we not want more?’ 

 Every human being has an involuntary adjustment lever. The nervous system is able to pick up signals when the body and mind is satiated. This is not conditioned but it is present from birth. Have you seen a young baby burp after he is full? He may not know he is full but his body does. If you force feed the baby he will vomit. The baby does not want to vomit but his body is reacting as it knows it is being stuffed. If you read a child a story, after a few pages he loses interest. The brain is over loaded and needs to sleep. So the child yawns and takes his gaze away from the book. Even if you keep hugging the child with great love, after some time he will crawl away from you. He has had enough. Our body –mind is universally programmed to function according to what it wants. Your conditioned insecurity which has been socially ostracized may make you jumpy and shifty but the universe knows when and how much to give you. If you want more love, the circumstances are created where the man gets more. If you want more money you will involuntary work harder and earn more. Another job will be offered to you where your wants will be fulfilled. Haven’t you caught yourself saying, “I needed it and it just happened” or “It was coincidental or accidental.” The reality is that the universe adjusted your magnetic field in a manner that you could attract what you needed. Someone out there is exercising their intelligence to maintain the electromagnetic field of this universal matrix. Someone out there is not really interested in personal wants and gratification but it interested in maintaining the universal force field energetic dynamics. The universal intelligence also knows what will return the adjustment back to its mean. This indicates that objects, thoughts and emotions have their own frequency and vibrational strength. Whenever there is a loss or want the universe replaces it. I always marvel at the way man is informed about the damage he is doing to the planet. Hurricanes, floods and the recent phenomena of flash floods is evidence that the universal intelligence is trying to set things right. Nothing that is happening is without a reason and the sooner we understand it the faster the cosmic correction will occur.

Let’s look at desire now. I have my wants fulfilled but I desire more. I have a car which fulfills its purpose of taking me to my workplace but I desire a limousine. I am reminded of a patient who came to see me a decade ago. Let’s name him Suresh.

 Suresh was a 45 year old man with a pretty wife, two children and a flourishing poultry business. One day he was returning home from his morning jog when he chanced to see a car being cleaned next to his. His eyes grew bigger as the shine of the new car eclipsed his vision. He enquired from the Gurkha (watchman) whose car it was. The Gurkha pointed to the fourth floor window. Suresh was surprised. He moved into the lift deeply engrossed in thought of the owner of the car -Hair Prasad. His mind was thinking about how his neighbor Hari Prasad could afford a new car. He began comparing his status with Hari Prasad. Every moment after that he kept wishing he could change places with Hari. He thought of Hari’s wife as being more enterprising as she worked, Hari’s children as more obedient and Hari’s home as better decorated. Hari’s life was much better that his is what he concluded. This had an effect on his sleep and appetite. In a month’s time his business suffered as he began to feel depressed. When he arrived at my clinic he was a nervous wreck. He had decided that he was never going to get better, he was feeling defeated.

I just looked at him and smiled. Wow! What a man! He was giving me such insight into how a desire can play havoc in one’s mind and life. He told me that he had stopped meeting friends and was feeling worthless. Imagine someone’s car can make you see red!

I allowed him to chatter and sigh. My habit is to intervene when I feel the chattering has reached a crescendo. He fell silent. Tears glazed his eyes. I smiled again and held his hands. I said, “This is really painful, can you recount how it all started? Just bring back the first scene when you felt a lump in your throat?’ He closed his eyes and I guided him to see him watching Hari Prasad’s new car. As he was imagining the car I asked him is this car really important for his happiness? I repeated this question once more trying to shake his inner wise self. He had tears rolling down his eyes when I asked him sharply a third time. He choked with realization said, “No, not at all.” I asked him to repeat it three times. He did and then I asked him to see all he has in his life which make his life beautiful. He spoke about his adoring wife, naughty but cuddly kids, his supportive parents, caring brother, dotting sister… the list continued as I pushed him with the conjunction AND….. Very soon a smile appeared and in an hour’s time he paid he to get him to smile again. There was no great psychotherapeutic technique I applied for they would have never got him to smile, instead maybe got him more confused.

Not sometimes, but most of the time you need to be reminded of what you have and enjoy. You need to acknowledge the love and respect you already have gathered but never noticed it or given thought to it. You have to be shaken, woken and walked through it. This is what I did. I got him to self remember what he had forgotten.

He understood the difference between want and desire and since that day more than six years ago he is a happy man. He does call me at times and asks for advice and I just ask him to close his eyes and look within. Voila! Boom! The answer surfaced

All of us have to learn the art of sitting. Just sit.

   

               

   

Into the 31st Century

The years 2009 to 2010 have been watershed years in my present life. I have been only moving into the past whether it is with a client who takes me to 2 B.C. times of Harappa and Mohenjo-Daro where I am seen by her as a wise woman who helps travelers find their way or to Mizoram in 1835 where I am the wife of a polygamous man and die of a disease. It has been such an amazing journey that during sessions I find myself able to watch and move along like an energy wheel and tour regions where I have never physically been.

I have spent more time in the alpha-theta state than in the beta and because of this, I feel meditative most of the time. When I suddenly turn the torch inwards I find that there is no thought. It feels that my mind is emptying itself and this could be the result of more than 16 hours spent in the divine wave, 7 hours at work and 9 hours sleeping. Along with this my early waking hour is spent alone with my plants and watering them, singing to them also makes me ride the meditative wave. Yesterday was one such awesome night and I can’t resist sharing the insights with all of you.

It was about 12.22 am and I was tucking myself to sleep. I closed my eyes and there was a thought that entered of an article that I had read a couple of days ago of Ziona Chana, a 66 year old man who has 39 wives and 94 children. He lives in Mizoram, in a 100 room house in a village 100 kilometer from Baktwang in the north of Mizoram. I just allowed the article to run its breath, and I don’t know when I must have fallen into deep sleep. I always sleep with some thought for I want it to take me to tour into my  many past lives which can surface in our dream state, but last night was unique…. I went into the future.31^st century. This voyage into the unknown frontiers was the first of its kind.

 I found myself viewing from the top angle shot of buildings, cosmic towers all resembling dominoes scattered over the landscape. There was no land visible from that perspective. As I scrambled down like spider man, I saw the windows. Each of them miniscule as the dots on a dice. I suddenly thought of going inside and lo! I was inside! I found myself seeing large cradle like beds attached to poles. I found myself in one of them sleeping. The cradle had tiny muscular hands and they were giving me a massage. I could feel my body relaxing and I peeped to the side and saw my husband sleeping in another cradle like bed. I was amazed at the way he looked. His crowning glory had been replaced by a bald sized shinning head under which his face seemed like a moon. His eyes were piercing black and his nose was button shaped. I knew I too had no hair and all signs that could support vanity were non- existent. As I glanced around the room I saw there were many cradles and many people were sleeping in the same room. It seemed like a large dormitory. I allowed myself to keep moving forward and the next thing I am told is that in this world each person is individualistic. There are no permanent relationships and no one has a family. We are all one large human community and there is freedom to procreate with whomever you want.

In the next scene, I find myself in a large hall where we are seated and eating some insipid food item. It looks bright but without any taste. I feel my teeth are strong and turned inwards. There is no one talking and I find myself being told things through thought waves. It is very quiet except for the sound of machine like robots that must have been cloned as they looked just like us. As I find myself looking around I realized that there was no difference between the way men and women were dressed. Surprisingly I felt like a woman but there was no physical distinction from the men. We were all dressed in bright red skin fitting clothes and all of us had slender frames. I could not see a single obese person. Actually observing more closely I didn’t see a person. It suddenly dawned on me that there were many among us who were cloned and so there was no way that I would know which one of us was genuinely human. Is it possible that there was no need for that and you could marry a cloned person rather than a real?  I didn’t even know if there was marriage in that century?

A part of me was watching fascinatingly, living it, while the other part of me tied to this reality wanted to take in details. Slowly the scene shifted as I felt myself guiding just as in a session I would say….At the count of three you will move to the next scene… I was on the road and there were no cars but people moving rapidly. I felt as if I had skates under my feet and as I looked down I could see that my feet had long sledge like flippers moving swiftly. As I looked around, everyone was hurrying and it was like a fast moving film. I suddenly had someone flying over my head. The person had a rotating helicopter type device and then there was another. I too wanted to experience flying... the moment I thought of it I was raised up and the blades came up from my red costume. I was flying... what an experience it was. The landscape was visible but I realized that I was flying not too high. There were many trees around. Their shape was unique. The fronds were growing vertical and as if all of them had been cloistered together and reaching skywards. It appeared as if everything around was fighting to occupy less space. As I thought of landing I descended and moved inside a building. My copter blades shut and I moved towards a room to work. Everything was spotlessly clean, as if sanitized. People were moving without a sound. It seemed like a silent movie. The room I entered was a hospital. There were people who had been injured. I was so keen to know, more about the body I had, that immediately I found myself staring at someone’s limbs. As I moved my hands over that persons arm they felt hard and solid. The flesh had become botoxed. I saw that the limb was limp and I pressed my hands and there was a groan from the man. Ah! He was a man for I saw that he had a strong muscular arm while mine was thinner and softer. Okay! This was a difference between males and females. His head too was bald like mine. I had a spray in my hand which made his arm softer and more malleable. Next I placed his arm inside a machine and I saw his arm getting gently molded back into shape through laser rays which were passing through his arm.  All this was visible on a screen. I was so curious that though I knew daybreak was nearing I didn’t want to wake up.  I wanted to know more about birth and death. As soon as I had the thought I could feel myself pregnant and that’s when I realized that if you have the desire to procreate you don’t need another person but what you need is a thought. The thought acts like a seed and anything is possible then.  The movie was moving faster as my desire was rushing fast. I wanted to know if there was death in the 31^st century and I was told that every time a person is born a tree seeds itself. And every time a tree dies due to storms and cyclones the person dies too. Life is a creation of thought and death a result of natural disaster. A life is intimately related to nature. This helps to maintain ecological balance. It was time to wake up and I could feel my body moving. I knew then that God is omnipresent, in all things natural.  Our destinies will be decided by the sublime. As my eyes fluttered open I was back in this reality with my mind so quiet that I could feel its silence.

Everything was so clear vivid and lucid. I picked up my lap top and started typing. Everything I had experienced was spoken by my mind, emerging from that silence.   It was a night of revelation. A thousand years later I will be still around and I know of it now.  Maybe it’ s time to doing more future progressions in my work. Fast forward!!

Susanne's Predicament

Sometimes I find myself amazed at the naivety of young people. At one end they strike me as being so full of passion and keenness to learn new things and on the other end they falter and go blind loosing complete perspective. I find many of my young clients becoming vulnerable while they seek friends on the net. Some of them are so taken in by the chat room that all reason leaves them while they are showered with praise and accolades by an unknown stranger in this virtual space. Susanne is one such person who came to see me for a past life session.

Susanne is 32 years old and had been in search for a matrimonial match for some time. Nothing was working out and while she was nursing a broken heart, her resolve was that she will find someone more worthy of her. During her college days she had befriended a girl who was staying close to her home. In time this girlfriend had become possessive of her. Nothing would deter her from becoming Susanne’s protector. Like a hawk she would look after her. If Susanne was late she would wait up for her. She made herself indispensable and became a regular guest at Susanne’s home. Susanne’s parents began to rely on her. She was a primary reason that Susanne was nursing a broken heart. Let’s call her Patricia. As the years rolled by Patricia was one of Susanne’s close friends but for Patricia Susanne was the only friend.

During this time Susanne began to visit a prime networking site and very soon she entered the chat room culture. A few days into it she was contacted by a man. He called himself Greg and said he was living in the U.S. Their chats became more flirtatious. Susanne began to enjoy it. She began to believe that she was in a relationship with Greg. There was no photo on the site and not many details. She kept asking him for it but he would postpone it saying that where there is trust there is no need to know anything else. She went along with it and began to dream about a future together. During this time her interaction with Patricia waned off. She had passed her graduation and was working now. The virtual relationship had continued for two years and there were plans being made to get married. Susanne was not still unaware of his U.S. phone number nor had she heard his voice. There was no phone talk in the two years that they had apparently been in a virtual relationship. One day as suddenly as he had appeared into her life Greg disappeared. He was untraceable. She tried to search for him but there were no results. It seemed as if he had vanished from the earth. The details that were given to her proved fake. It was on one of these dark days of gloom that Patricia surfaced. She called her and said that some Greg was calling her and wanted to pass a message. Susanne met Patricia and she was told some horrendous news. Patricia said that Greg had died more than 30 years ago (U read right) and had been connecting to her through the net. Can you imagine a net ghost chatting with you!! Patricia told Susanne that Greg   had chosen Patricia as a channel to be in touch with her. All the messages now will be routed through Patricia. Susanne began to believe this. She told me that there were times when Patricia’s voice would change and Susanne would feel it is Greg. Patricia knew the intimate details that they had discussed in the last two years. Susanne was completely in Greggs spell. Patricia and She became very close but Susanne’s parents were pushing for her to get married. Susanne could not refuse and knew that she could not marry a spirit and so gave in.  For the last three years she has been married happily but Patricia still continued to send messages from Greg.

At this moment Susanne is unable to settle down in her marriage and be sincere with her husband.

In the last few years, Patricia’s possessiveness had begun to create problems between Susanne and her husband. During this time Susanne was getting torn between her attachment to Greg and her confusion over Patricia’s so called channeling.

Susanne by a stroke of fate found out that Greggs and Patricians password was the same. This gave her a clue that Patricia may have impersonated Greg and that no one by this name existed. He was truly virtual. Still she did not have the courage to face Patricia. She could not believe that Patricia could do something as weird as this. No spirit spoke through her and she was just cuckoo. Susanne decided she needed some answers and came to see me. I was truly surprised by Susanne’s naivety and foolishness. The desire to have someone to love can be so blind was incredible.

Past Life Surfaces

Susanne’s past life session revealed that she was living in a village in the year 1971 and as she saw  herself walking in a village path where it was very hot. When you are in a past life memory you can feel temperature differences too. She saw a small hut and as she entered in she saw utensils and a small choola (mud gas), a small baby playing on the cot wearing black shorts playing with some wooden toys. She felt herself cooking paratha’s and the place was hot with smoke emitting from the choola.

 During the session the person can feel smoke and fumes too. She saw her husband wearing a dhoti and a sleeveless kurta, 25 year old and playing with the kid. She felt the emotion of happiness when she saw her husband. The paratha, onion and pickle are served. As the figure of the husband got clearer she was asked to recognize the person through the eyes, as they say that the eyes are the beholder of the soul.

 She is unable to place him in this life. The husband’s voice was heard saying her name- Shaku and when I encouraged her to call her husband by his name she said that, in India you don’t call husband by name.

 Once the lifetime was established the subject was asked to move to the next incident and as I guided her she moved to the next scene and saw herself in a fair. There was not much money to buy and along with her child who was now five years old she saw herself returning home along with the villagers by a bullock cart. She expressed feeling tired as the fair was far from the village.

 This was an opportunity to see the name of the village and the subject was asked to project the name of the village and she without delay said, it was a village close to Ludhiana, Punjab.

 The next scene unfolded and she saw the husband as being possessive. She saw an incident where he was scolding her as she was talking to some other man. The next incident she saw him beating her and she felt the pain on the cheeks. She saw herself crying and pleading with him to leave her but he does not leave her. The next scene she was crying and felt as if she wants to run away. The next scene came up and she saw herself leaving home with the baby. She saw that she was not carrying any belongings. She then saw a man giving her a lift in a black car and driving her to his home. The license plate of the car was 856 and the state is Punjab. She confirms a second time that the city is Ludhiana. The man’s name is De'costa as this is what is written on the name plate on the gate. He lives alone and keeps her as his wife. The next scene begins to unfold and she saw her son older and that she has got trapped in a loveless relationship. She continued to see that her son had joined the new husband’s business. She kept feeling trapped and tired. She then moved at the age of 45 she had got an illness. There is an epidemic in the city and many people had fallen sick. She then closed on to her death in the year 1972.

It was important to recognize Patricia if she was there in that life. There were three important people that had appeared and so at various junctions she was asked to identify if anyone them reminded her of Patricia. De’costa was identified as Patricia and the same feeling of being trapped and the suffocation that she felt when Patricia was possessive was felt at that time.

There are many ways to identify the person if the eyes don’t reveal much. The feeling could be reflected in subject’s body either shivering, trembling, palpitations and heat could arise when the person appears. For Susanne she had a quiver when she saw De’costa and this was the clue which in a sense nailed Patricia.

When the session was over Susanne was not only surprised at the unusual lifetime but that it was so different than what she had ever thought her past life would be. This is where the trust and belief that the session had reflected a past life begins. Susanne knew what she had known but was unable to accept that Patricia was Greg. There was no mortal by the name of Greg, alive or dead.

Hopefully, Susanne’s life has taken a positive turn and she has understood that her marriage is for keeps and she needs to stay away from her friend. Well, if you have such friends then who need foes.          

When Suicide Goes Wrong!!

Since I have begun writing at neck-break speed, people who have come to see me over the years have surfaced like ghosts and seem to be cajoling me to share their stories with all of you. This has got me to listen to their recordings and I have been surprised at the variety of problems people create and then get immersed in them, oblivious to the wonderful world in which they live. I don’t feel sad I feel angry. This anger does not burn or burst but showers me with an infinite energy to help. One such person who came to see me six years ago was unique. His story was filled with borrowed grief and so it makes interesting telling. I am going to name him M.T (empty) for this is how he felt.

M.T was an engineer who worked in a reputed firm. He was a regular guy who had a wonderful wife at home and two beautiful children. His parents lived with him and he travelled regularly by train from Church Gate to Vile Parle (suburbs of Mumbai).  His life was so mundane that going out for a movie was the only excitement that featured in his life. He had no friends and was generally a loner. He used to remember a time when he felt different. This was in college when he was in love with a girl.  He was unable to express his love to her and the idea just wilted away. He had an arranged marriage as his parents thought, that the girl who was a doctor, was a good catch. He though self respecting, obviously did not respect the institution of marriage enough. He always had a grouse that destiny gave him a raw deal. His wife was caring and communicative but M.T was still in love, with the idea called love.

M.T’s life changed drastically on 11^th July 2006. He was travelling by local train from Church gate to Vile Parle and suddenly there was a bomb blast in his compartment. This was one of the seven blasts that occurred on local trains in Mumbai in July 2006. Before the blasts occurred he was sitting near a man close to the window seat. Most of them were regulars and also occupied the same seats while travelling to work and back. They met each other in the train and shared many small but significant happenings in each other’s life. In a second M.T felt as if the compartment was ripped apart and as the smoke settled he saw his friend’s arm torn and his body leaning on his. The person opposite to him was staring at him and the smell of burnt flesh was nauseating him. He tried to get up but fell. He felt as if his legs were numb and his vision blurred. He got up and started to take a few steps. He heard some voices asking if someone was alive. A man saw him and helped him out. M.T climbed down on the tracks. He could not look behind and reply to the men asking him if there were any saviors. He continued walking in a stupor. He walked on the tracks to Dadar. He was bleeding from his ears and head. As he reached Dadar Station he hailed a cab and got in. The cabbie was curious and asked him if he needed to see a doctor but M.T refused. When he reached home he climbed up the stairs and rang the bell. That day the man who entered the house was someone else. M.T became very silent and stopped communicating with his family. He went into his shell. He was unable to laugh and play with his children. His wife suggested anti-depressants and he took them for some time. Nothing changed. He continued working and living but his heart was not in it. A year passed by.

In 2007 the first anniversary of the train blasts was being remembered and he decided to travel at the same time sit in the same place and commemorate his dead friends. For one year he had tried his best to feel normal, may be now he may just wake up from his slumber. He was lost in the past and kept seeing his friends and at one point he could even hear the blast ringing in his ears. When he got down at Vile Parle he could not forgive himself for being alive. Why I am alive, was the one question he had no answers for. He at that moment decided to die. I have no right to live is the resolve he had made.

M.T. began to plan his death. He knew that he would have to collect tranquilizers from the chemist and store them. His mother had a prescription from a doctor for her anxiety and he could use it to buy more strips. He began to buy them regularly and store them in his office briefcase. He did not want his wife to land in trouble with the cops and so he wrote one letter to the cops that he was responsible for taking his life and no one was responsible. This letter he kept in his briefcase. He wrote another letter to his wife giving him all the bank and safe deposit details.  This too was kept in his case. He surveyed the calendar to check for the best dates to end his life. This he decided was two months later. His parents were going to their native village and his wife and children would be going for a wedding around the same time. He marked the date in his calendar in his briefcase. Time went on. He enjoyed playing with his children and even improved his relationship with his wife. There was harmony after so many years. Funny when he had decided to leave this world he was befriending. Such is the power of death! It can suddenly make to want to enjoy life.

The day arrived and he went to the temple early in the morning. He bid goodbye to his parents and packed his unsuspecting wife and children. The house was empty now. He had a bath and sat on the bed. He opened his briefcase and took out both the letters and placed them on the bed. He took out the tranquilizers and emptied 65 pills in a plate. He has a jug of water at his bedside and started taking the pills. Ten... ten more …ten more till all of the 65 pills were swallowed. He lay down and waited for his body to become cold. He was at the gates of heaven when someone shook him up. His wife had returned for she had forgotten her purse. Being a doctor with lightening speed she got him to the nearby hospital. All the toxins flushed out till he was sanitized. Lying on the hospital bed he looked at the ceiling. His wife was asking him the reason for taking such a step. She thought everything was fine. M.T slowly spoke about his depressive feelings and guilt for being a survivor of the blasts. His wife realized that he needed psychotherapeutic help. This is when he came to see me.

When such a client arrives at my clinic I only ask when he is going to kill himself again. Does he have a plan now? I asked M.T the same. He just looked at me as if I was mad. He asked, “do you think I should kill myself?’ I said,”Well, you wanted to, so I am hoping your next plan is foolproof. It’s foolish to survive because you have to answer so many people who will then dissuade you. So, are you certain you want to die? For if there is any reason why you want to live, no tranquilizer will kill you not fire will burn you and no height will vanquish you. Gently I say, “Maybe you want to live and so you didn’t die. May be we should talk about why deep down you want to live?’

M.T looked at me again and smiled. He said, ‘Maybe you are right, maybe I do want to live. There are many unfulfilled dreams which I want to fulfill’. That day M.T began to speak about his dreams and wishes and desires and when this happens the thought of death dies. M.T. had a couple of sessions and he was laughing and hugging his wife chatting with her about his dreams for them. He was going to live right and make his life an example for many.

Sure, we may read about blasts and bombs, death and destruction but aren’t we also reading about happiness and joyful events, progress and change, celebrations and beauty. I wonder why we forget this when anxiety and trauma strikes us. I know this kind of behavior is called post traumatic syndrome and it can raise its hood anytime in one’s life but should be look at the reasons that we have to live rather than those which prompt us to die?.

  We are living in a world where ugly events are going to occur and we need to prepare ourselves to face them. We need to create spiritual centers in colleges, corporate and media houses and maybe even on street corners where counselors can open shop in the evening and help passer-by’s. It’s time that we think out of the box and aid in the strengthening of the mental fabric of the person. M.T. is doing great of this now.  He has forsaken the idea of death and accepted life. I am hoping that all those who read this will begin to prepare their mind for all eventualities which could precipitate the idea called death.

Open your shop to sell life!

Find the Spirit in You

Spirituality is a roadmap to the inner self. All of us are spiritual beings having a physical experience on this planet. We have created a body to enjoy all the physical pleasures while we inhabit this world. We feed it, clothe it and travel in it.  We not only get attached to our physical form but also another’s. When we fall in love we are enamored by another person’s physical form. The image of that form stays in our memory. We begin to look at it, as if, it is who the person is. The memory of the person which remember is created by us becomes our reality. We delude ourselves to believing that the other person is this beautiful body and forget who he really is. All our waking and slumber time is dedicated to him. I remember when I fell in love. I was twenty- two years old. I stopped thinking then. I became a feely self. I was able to feel the abdominal muscles fluttering and the cardiac thud throbbing. My feet felt like jelly when I would just think of him. I would blush at the thought of him and after some time I began to feel the presence of him. I was hallucinating but didn’t think I was going mad. I didn’t care what others thought for they didn’t exist. My mind was thinking in a magical manner. I was in seventh heaven. Love was in the air and every breath was making me feel lighter literally taking me to cloud nine. I was in effect not in love with me but in love with another self. I had dissociated myself from me. I was obviously reaching the end of my sanity but I thought I was just beginning to live. What an absolute parody. Thus begins the journey of two people in love, lost in translation. As time went by insanity gripped me. All my time was not mine for every time I wanted to go somewhere he was with me. When I was upset he was close and when there were happy times he was needed the most. How can I be happy if he is not there with me? How can a sad moment get better if he won’t help me? The whispering of sweet nothing was my elixir of life. I was certainly going crazy. I had lost myself completely. They say in love you become one; sure there was only one person at that moment and that was him. I had disappeared into oblivion. I am sure each one of us had at various times done this disappearing act.

The question is for how long can someone disappear? A day is advisable but a decade! What happens when after many years of marriage or togetherness you realize that all the years that you had disappeared into void; you were in fact right there serving the master like a slave.  Most women who come to see me suffer from what I call the Genie Syndrome. Every time the man demands the genie fulfills his needs. The genie has no other person to care for apart from his master. Women who have lived their lives as genies find that their lives have been stuffed in a lamp which is rubbed for the pleasure of their man. Most of the women will ask me, “It’s over for me now. There is no going back. Nothing can change now.” I only ask them, “Do you want it to change?” I remind them of Mahatma Gandhi’s slogan- Be the change you want to see. This is a powerful affirmation that you can incorporate in your life. Once you realize that you had vanished, you actually have appeared! Just the awareness of being back is enough to awaken you from even a decade long slumber. You have seen the door ajar and now you will develop the strength to push it open and walk. Does this mean you must leave your husband /lover and run? No, that is not needed. You have to just walk alongside him, with him, parallel to him. You must slowly dis- associate from the sticky claws that you have in him. You will survive even if you are not lost in him. You must trust that he is not going anywhere if he finds you vanished from his lamp. Women need to stop deluding themselves as being the man’s man Friday. Most women will ask me, “How do we suddenly become different? How do we know that we will be loved equally if we stop being the genie?” The moment you are looking for a guarantee, you will continue to be trapped. This is the time to remember that you are no different from nature’s splendor. Does a seed look for a guarantee that it will sprout; does a fruit want to know if it will ripen; does the bird want to know if it will get a branch on which to build a nest; does the fish ask the ocean whether it will allow it to swim; does the cloud ask the mountain slopes whether it will block it for the land to get soaked in its rain; does the rain ask for a guarantee whether it will meet the ocean; Never, there is faith and trust that all that is around works in tandem. All of nature, the trees, birds and rain just allow themselves to respond as the seasons change. We too must respond to the changing seasons of our life.

Change is not difficult it is inevitable. As you begin to feel yourself you will know yourself. Slowly the steps will be taken, one by one. First- Own yourself. Begin to pamper yourself with what makes you feel great. Maybe you need to get back to your childhood hobby, friends and fun. I remember after getting married I missed studying and decided to do my M.Phil while I was pregnant. It was wonderful. I was pampered and looked after like never before. Little did I know that my decision to fulfill my need will get me more? Make yourself your priority for you will realize that the world will not stop working if you stop working for them. It may not be difficult for you to adjust but may take some time for others to adjust to your new style. This should not deter you from your path. The same way that your family had adjusted to your being a genie they will adjust to your new avatar. Give them a chance to grow in other directions. If you stand firm there can be no returning to your old worn out slave self. Many of those who are reading this may react to the word ‘slave’ by saying ‘we are doing all that we do because we love our children or husband or family.’ I can only say that if you have disappeared in the course of this loving then you are lying to yourself for no one can be happy or contented if they don’t exist. Get up and begin the beautiful adventure of loving yourself and gifting yourself this life. Do what makes your heart sing and dance as if there was no tomorrow. Fly with the wings of passion and make your dreams come true. You are ageless and timeless, so soar, rise and be free of the shackles of your mind.

As you take this first step, you are walking on the path to spirituality. You are recognizing the spirit in you and taking it forward. Every step that you will take will create a stir within you. This inner stir will help you to walk on the circle of life. Each one of us is walking on this circle of life.  Someone is walking in front of us and there is someone behind us. This is only an illusion for each one of us is equidistant from the centre where the source lies. Imagine the source to be an image, maybe the image of the God you believe in. Now think of yourself at 180* and looking at the centre, maybe you will be able to look at the arm of Krishna holding the Sudarshan Chakra, the person walking at 90* may see the lotus while another at 45* may only see the feet. Does that mean that one is more spiritually closer to the image of the source? No, each one of us are spiritual beings, the only difference is in our perspective. So if your partner cannot comprehend your search for spirituality remember he too is on his path. He may be looking at the feet of the deity while you are staring into its eyes. That does not make him or you less or more spiritual. Do not make the mistake of dis-associating from your partner’s spiritual self. That is the self that you should have loved in the first place not his physical self. If your love was like Radha’s then Krishna would have always been with you. As your spiritual self blossoms it will make you more gentle, loving and kind. You will smile and radiate a hundred rays one of which will enter the heart of your partner. Who doesn’t want to be close to a bright spark! As you walk with your spirit, all roadblocks will disappear. The other self will find itself seeking you. You will have walked out of the shadow and embraced light. Then there is no turning back. you will be the change you want to see. Happy changing! Happy Transforming! Happy Transcending!     

Satori Stories

A student asked his Zen guru how to achieve enlightenment. His master said: ‘Do you hear that bubbling brook? Enter there.’

Have you noticed the place where you feel safe? The place where your heart feels like singing and your eyes silently droop? A place where your steps cant take you. A place where you reside right now! A place where no one else lives! A place where you breathe and live without the mechanism called the body. The word ‘place’ is such a misnomer. It is a noun and so it must exist in time and place. But it doesn’t.

 If you close your eyes now, at this very minute , you will enter the kingdom of heaven as was visited by Jesus. Try it. Close your eyes gently, as if they are so heavy that they cant stay open. Your eyes have been holding images of your life , all your waking experiences which have given you no peace. Every time you peer at the world and the people that inhabit it, you feel a sense of discomfort. Either there is a thought, what are they going to say or what are they going to do? The visual images are unsettling. The words that will follow have to be refuted. You have to be on guard. If you are drooping your eyes, you will be caught napping and the other person will win. You are afraid that he will win and you will lose. The fear that you live in while your eyes are open is related to achievement. My ego will be hurt. My mind will not let me be at peace.

The student asked the Zen Guru how to achieve enlightenment.

“Ask and it shall be given.” An enlightened master does not encourage asking but allows the student to explore and experience the depths of his mind. The master does not teach or provide answers so what should the student ask. You must have noticed that when a person gets into the mode of asking he is drawn into the question. He has already researched the question and so has come with an answer. Now he is asking and is expecting that master to affirm that he is on the right track. The word student in Sanskrit is Shishya meaning one who has a mind as the mirror ( Sheesha means mirror and Sheesh means head). The student or Shishya is someone who has a mind which has to just reflect the teachings of his guru. There is no debate, no confrontation. The student has to just reflect as he sits in front of his guru. He has to allow the gurus words to echo while he close his eyes and listens to the sweet rhythmic sounds of his gurus voice. He will reflect the sounds too deep within himself.  There is no asking here, just dissolving into the oneness. The master disappears and the student appears in this wonderful mirage of duality. The oneness emerges thus.

“how to achieve”

To achieve is to own, to possess, to get, to have and you can only have what has substance, weight, mass and you can hold it. Enlightenment is not to own but to be in awe of, enlightenment is not to possess but to be possessed by and to go in and not to get. There is no way that you can have it for there is nothing to have. When we see a cloud we are amazed at the shapes it can take. It seems that it has mass and weight. But little does our mind realize that it is an illusion. The cloud is weightless and floats away similarly that moment of realization is flighty, foaming and furious. It just arises and rises all around. It has an invisibility to others but it is visible to oneself.  It can’t be held or had. It is gentle as the morning sunrise each ray inimitably imperceptibly blending into the sky. The limitless sky beholds it and riding on the rainbow it melts into one bright light.  Where does achievement feature in all this? Thank god that there is no subject called enlightenment in schools and so to say that we are students of enlightenment is a fallacy.

His master said, “Do you hear the bubbling brook”

Do you hear? The master knows that you hear not what you should!  You hear what you should not hear. Your ears are constantly perked up to criticism and disapproval  all round you there seems to be a circle of mistrust which is growing. You can see yourself standing in the middle of it whereas in effect you are standing on the periphery with some detractors ahead of you and other behind you. It seems you are being pulled and pushed and you will lose your balance. You are surrounded by the noise of a crowd who is around you. Move to the centre. As you move to the centre you are moving away from the crowd. When you move to the centre the noise will subside. There will be a hum and drone and after some time as you continue to move to the centre, you will be at the centre of the universe. This will happen as you close your eyes and hear, not with your physical ears but with your inner ears. You will be able to feel the air as it enters your being through the ears and rush up and down, move in and out and bubble. If you keep your eyes close for a longer period of time the rivulet will flow. The sound will be rushing and you will have the imagery of flowing gurgling water. The brook of your inner self will roll. The brook is a small pool where the water collects. Your inner sounds will link and connect into a celestial space. As the water gurgles and spouts it will do away with the thoughts which bind you in stereotyped patterns. Your inner being will  sprint and bubble out.

‘Enter there’   

The master says not to doubt when the echoing within begins. Just enter. Just plunge. Become the wave and ride. Become the droplet and get wet. Scuttle and dash, run and charge, just enter. Don’t wait when that moment comes for it will come in a flash. It will come without any information for in enlightenment there is no information and so enlightenment is not of the mind. Hasten and precipitate, soak and seep. The place where you will enter has no dimension, it is open just like the skies. As a star luminously you will shine there reflecting the light of the master. You will be one with the master!!    

                                              

Levels Of Trance States

All of us have an ability to relax. The state of relaxation is when our sense organs have been shut off and they are not responding to any stimuli. There is a feeling of floating and flowing. A still ness appears in our mind. A silent vibration is felt. It seems as if all that our mind was occupied with seems to have become empty. But is the mind really empty? Who feels the void in thoughts? Is it ever possible for the mind to be without thoughts? Let’s find out the process of making our mind calm and possibly thoughtless.

Light trance State

·         Sit down in a comfortable place. Do it now.

·         Switch off all external devices like the mobile or television which could disturb you during the process.

·         Focus your eyes on an object a few feet away.

·         As you focus on the object stare at it till you feel your eyelids becoming heavy.

·         Suggest –“My eyes are becoming heavy”. After a few minutes your eyes would feel heavy and now focus on your breathing.

·         Watch your breath move in and out of your nasal passages. Just watch, don’t say anything. No chanting or mantra is to be used.

·         This is watchful breathing.

·         As you keep at it for a few minutes more you will observe that there is a calmness spreading within your mind. The mind seems to be chattering lesser and lesser.

·         You have got into an alpha state. In this state the brain waves have slowed down to 8-16 cycles per second and there is peace.

·         This is the light trance state. In this state people do not generally get visuals but are able to imagine. So during a past life session if the subject has got into a light trance state I would ask them to imagine what the body looks like? 

·         Remember you can only imagine what exists. So don’t get concerned about whether what you are saying is a real past life or not.

Medium Trance State

The brain waves begin to slow down further and reach a 4-8 cycles per second frequency. As the body consciousness retards the soul consciousness begins to surface. Here subjects feel more than they think. I have found that those who are able to enter this trance state are activating their feeling or emotional body or manmaya kosha and hence most of them have a cathartic experience.

As the manamaya kosha or the emotional body begins to activate the subject begins to cry and shiver. When asked, ‘What do you see below your feet?’ They will say, ‘I feel the ground below is rough or wet.’ Visions may come hazily but the feeling or sensation is strong. Such people have activated their theta waves and this activates the hippocampus region of the brain which is the seat of emotions. The past life an emotion which is entangled with the trauma which is being investigated begins to get released and the subject will have a cathartic or a more vivid experience.

Deep trance State:

About 25% of the world population could access deep trance levels. Here the brain waves become slower. They are 1-3 cycles per second. In this state the waves fluctuate and many subjects will report that sometimes they can hear the therapist’s voice while at times they feel they are asleep. It is here that the mind is so silent all the chatter has stopped and so the suggestions are placed deep inside the subconscious. During past life therapy there are times when people are in this state. It is like a dream but they are able to speak and release and when they return to alertness they may have forgotten some of the details. The deep theta- delta state is fascinating as it is very visual and the lifetime is viewed more like a movie, with images clear and the audio of the picture is switched on too.

Do not feel that you must get into this state to experience a past life. You are unique and so the route to getting information from your past life is also unique. Allow yourself to practice the alpha state meditation regularly so your mind begins to get used to act like a receiver. This will help when you attempt a past life session.

“Trust the soul to show you what you need to see. It knows how to present the information to you. It will use the sense most suitable. Vision, tactile or the power of intuition.’

More on how to access through each one of them next time.

The Searching Continues....

Past lives are a source of worry for many. They resist and react strongly when they are forced to come in for a session. Force creates fear, and so as a therapist you must always ask whether the person willingly wants to do a session. If not, say, “Wait for the right time and the person will arrive.”  The ways of the spiritual path always find their meanderings reach the door way of the heart. As much as you may resist your soul will keep nibbling your ear and pouring the intent to reach within. For Sarita’s husband Kamal the time came a few weeks later when he visited a psychiatrist friend who suggested that he find a way out of this humiliation. He was suggested cognitive therapy and antidepressants. Kamal a  physician himself opted for the latter. When deeper insight is to be avoided, we hide behind the pills hoping that the catalepsy created by them will get us to sleep. Sarita decided to narrate the past life experience to her husband. Kamal apparently listened to it and was very silent. There was no conversation for a week and he remained deep in thought. Sarita told me that Kamal had been reclusive and had cancelled his appointments for the week on the pretext that he was ill. I counseled Sarita not to interfere with him, stay off and let the mind churn itself. Sarita followed the advice though it was difficult.

Exactly a week later at midnight I got a call from Kamal. He was calm and composed. He asked me to fix an appointment for him. He said that he needed clarity and so wanted to come for his past life session. I was not surprised. I knew that when he heard his wife’s session there would be a curiosity that will in some way raise his soul’s search light.

Kamal arrived and told him that his wife’s calmness in dealing with the situation has brought him at my clinic. He too needs to be at peace and not angry at his humiliation at the hands of the nurses and hospital staff.

Kamal was a deep trance subject/ he very quickly entered an altered consciousness and his body began to shiver. It was hot around but his body was freezing. When I asked him where he was and what did he see around him, he started narrating the sight. He said that he was in a fort in the year 1882 and he was with a woman. There was a young child and he was happy. He identified the woman resembling his wife. She was dutiful and was smiling at him. The next scene shifted to his durbar (a meeting place) in the fort’s inner hall. There were many soldiers there. He described the costumes and it resembled the Maratha struggle period. He was not keen to fight though the commander of his forces was saying this was a way of keeping his might intact against the Mughals. Kamal saw that he was more interested in wine and woman. He then saw himself with another woman who enters his home and starts living with him. His wife is livid but can’t do anything. Kamal sees that he is disrespectful to his wife and begins to distance from her. She is very angry and in one scene that he sees she tells him that she will teach him a lesson. He sees his death on a horse when an arrow hits his chest and he dies. The last thought he had was to ask for forgiveness to his wife. The session was powerful for Kamal was sweating profusely during the session. When he came into full consciousness he was drenched in sweat. This could be the release of fear and anguish at death. Kamal sat for quite some time pondering over the session. He was distressed at what he had experienced. When the past life karma begins to be unveiled and the mind sees a similar pattern as in ones present life there is always distress. The person feels trapped and his emotions are stripped by him. It is always difficult to stand as an accused in front of one’s own mind. To admit to oneself that he is to blame for the present life crises is tough. When there is no place to hide and run, you are exposed to who you really are. This is very challenging and can help you to make a karmic shift.

 I was quiet and allowed him to gather his emotions and thoughts. As a therapist you must be quiet and not analyze immediately. Many people would like to go home, sleep and then speak about it. This too is fine.

Once the person comes into full wakefulness he may feel drained and tired. This is temporary and after a few minutes as this present life body adjusts itself again to the breathing the person will report lightness and peace. There is nothing occult about this therapy. Many people have ill informed notions about trance states. It is the most beautiful, relaxing and calming experience that you could have.

A few weeks later Sarita called up to say that they had decided to divorce and depart amicably. She said that she would continue taking the therapy for a few more sessions. Kamal has taken time to recover and he is trying to mend his ways without giving Sarita more pain. He may or may not succeed in becoming free from his shadow self is to be seen. Understanding and insight are abilities that have to be cultivated. For Sarita it has been easier while for Kamal it seems he is still fighting the ghosts of his past.

When a karmic cord is severed it must be done with deep understanding of the spiritual ties which bind you to each other. Its very important that the experience that you have had with one relationship does not permeate into another loving relationship. The person must be aware of the emotions and feelings that subtely emerge when another person comes knocking at your heart. Dont see that person with the lens of the past. Get a new lens and a new vision. This is possible as you move 360 degrees away from the position you havd taken. Love comes in the most unexpected of situations and welcome it with open arms. Sarita's of the world awaken and give love another chance.