Find the Spirit in You

Spirituality is a roadmap to the inner self. All of us are spiritual beings having a physical experience on this planet. We have created a body to enjoy all the physical pleasures while we inhabit this world. We feed it, clothe it and travel in it.  We not only get attached to our physical form but also another’s. When we fall in love we are enamored by another person’s physical form. The image of that form stays in our memory. We begin to look at it, as if, it is who the person is. The memory of the person which remember is created by us becomes our reality. We delude ourselves to believing that the other person is this beautiful body and forget who he really is. All our waking and slumber time is dedicated to him. I remember when I fell in love. I was twenty- two years old. I stopped thinking then. I became a feely self. I was able to feel the abdominal muscles fluttering and the cardiac thud throbbing. My feet felt like jelly when I would just think of him. I would blush at the thought of him and after some time I began to feel the presence of him. I was hallucinating but didn’t think I was going mad. I didn’t care what others thought for they didn’t exist. My mind was thinking in a magical manner. I was in seventh heaven. Love was in the air and every breath was making me feel lighter literally taking me to cloud nine. I was in effect not in love with me but in love with another self. I had dissociated myself from me. I was obviously reaching the end of my sanity but I thought I was just beginning to live. What an absolute parody. Thus begins the journey of two people in love, lost in translation. As time went by insanity gripped me. All my time was not mine for every time I wanted to go somewhere he was with me. When I was upset he was close and when there were happy times he was needed the most. How can I be happy if he is not there with me? How can a sad moment get better if he won’t help me? The whispering of sweet nothing was my elixir of life. I was certainly going crazy. I had lost myself completely. They say in love you become one; sure there was only one person at that moment and that was him. I had disappeared into oblivion. I am sure each one of us had at various times done this disappearing act.

The question is for how long can someone disappear? A day is advisable but a decade! What happens when after many years of marriage or togetherness you realize that all the years that you had disappeared into void; you were in fact right there serving the master like a slave.  Most women who come to see me suffer from what I call the Genie Syndrome. Every time the man demands the genie fulfills his needs. The genie has no other person to care for apart from his master. Women who have lived their lives as genies find that their lives have been stuffed in a lamp which is rubbed for the pleasure of their man. Most of the women will ask me, “It’s over for me now. There is no going back. Nothing can change now.” I only ask them, “Do you want it to change?” I remind them of Mahatma Gandhi’s slogan- Be the change you want to see. This is a powerful affirmation that you can incorporate in your life. Once you realize that you had vanished, you actually have appeared! Just the awareness of being back is enough to awaken you from even a decade long slumber. You have seen the door ajar and now you will develop the strength to push it open and walk. Does this mean you must leave your husband /lover and run? No, that is not needed. You have to just walk alongside him, with him, parallel to him. You must slowly dis- associate from the sticky claws that you have in him. You will survive even if you are not lost in him. You must trust that he is not going anywhere if he finds you vanished from his lamp. Women need to stop deluding themselves as being the man’s man Friday. Most women will ask me, “How do we suddenly become different? How do we know that we will be loved equally if we stop being the genie?” The moment you are looking for a guarantee, you will continue to be trapped. This is the time to remember that you are no different from nature’s splendor. Does a seed look for a guarantee that it will sprout; does a fruit want to know if it will ripen; does the bird want to know if it will get a branch on which to build a nest; does the fish ask the ocean whether it will allow it to swim; does the cloud ask the mountain slopes whether it will block it for the land to get soaked in its rain; does the rain ask for a guarantee whether it will meet the ocean; Never, there is faith and trust that all that is around works in tandem. All of nature, the trees, birds and rain just allow themselves to respond as the seasons change. We too must respond to the changing seasons of our life.

Change is not difficult it is inevitable. As you begin to feel yourself you will know yourself. Slowly the steps will be taken, one by one. First- Own yourself. Begin to pamper yourself with what makes you feel great. Maybe you need to get back to your childhood hobby, friends and fun. I remember after getting married I missed studying and decided to do my M.Phil while I was pregnant. It was wonderful. I was pampered and looked after like never before. Little did I know that my decision to fulfill my need will get me more? Make yourself your priority for you will realize that the world will not stop working if you stop working for them. It may not be difficult for you to adjust but may take some time for others to adjust to your new style. This should not deter you from your path. The same way that your family had adjusted to your being a genie they will adjust to your new avatar. Give them a chance to grow in other directions. If you stand firm there can be no returning to your old worn out slave self. Many of those who are reading this may react to the word ‘slave’ by saying ‘we are doing all that we do because we love our children or husband or family.’ I can only say that if you have disappeared in the course of this loving then you are lying to yourself for no one can be happy or contented if they don’t exist. Get up and begin the beautiful adventure of loving yourself and gifting yourself this life. Do what makes your heart sing and dance as if there was no tomorrow. Fly with the wings of passion and make your dreams come true. You are ageless and timeless, so soar, rise and be free of the shackles of your mind.

As you take this first step, you are walking on the path to spirituality. You are recognizing the spirit in you and taking it forward. Every step that you will take will create a stir within you. This inner stir will help you to walk on the circle of life. Each one of us is walking on this circle of life.  Someone is walking in front of us and there is someone behind us. This is only an illusion for each one of us is equidistant from the centre where the source lies. Imagine the source to be an image, maybe the image of the God you believe in. Now think of yourself at 180* and looking at the centre, maybe you will be able to look at the arm of Krishna holding the Sudarshan Chakra, the person walking at 90* may see the lotus while another at 45* may only see the feet. Does that mean that one is more spiritually closer to the image of the source? No, each one of us are spiritual beings, the only difference is in our perspective. So if your partner cannot comprehend your search for spirituality remember he too is on his path. He may be looking at the feet of the deity while you are staring into its eyes. That does not make him or you less or more spiritual. Do not make the mistake of dis-associating from your partner’s spiritual self. That is the self that you should have loved in the first place not his physical self. If your love was like Radha’s then Krishna would have always been with you. As your spiritual self blossoms it will make you more gentle, loving and kind. You will smile and radiate a hundred rays one of which will enter the heart of your partner. Who doesn’t want to be close to a bright spark! As you walk with your spirit, all roadblocks will disappear. The other self will find itself seeking you. You will have walked out of the shadow and embraced light. Then there is no turning back. you will be the change you want to see. Happy changing! Happy Transforming! Happy Transcending!