Thoughts that handcuff

Thoughts are like fireflies which flicker in the dark crevices of the mind and ignite the hidden unresolved traumas. In my profession I have encountered many odd cases where I have been stumped. This feeling of being stumped is incredibly engaging. It makes me think deeper, pray harder and meditate longer.

30 year old Gulgul was one such man. He was a struggling film maker and had stars in his eyes. He had come up the hard way but was still optimistic about his future. He had befriended many in the film industry but could never garner enough courage to ask for help. He obviously was not the typical manipulative one who was waiting to climb on another’s shoulder. His problem was unique and after seeing a psychiatrist he had begun to believe that he would never get released from it. He was on anti- anxiety medication for the last two years but that had not helped him at all. Let me tell you more about him

Gulgul was scared of drinking water. If someone offered him a glass of water he would be fearful of putting it to his lips as he thought he would die. During a hot summer day he would sweat but just the suggestion of drinking water would be unacceptable. He would bathe frequently but even that would be done covering his lips just in case water got into his mouth. Obviously this irrational thought was not shared with anyone for he thought people would laugh at him. He would be better if he drank aerated drinks but that was also taken sip by sip. He said to me that if he had a glass of aerated drinks the thought that he will die would not come frequently so it was better.

Gulgul was open to do past life therapy after I explained to him that we needed to get to the source of the problem and as in his present life there was no reason for this to arise we must probe deeper. He understood and we fixed a time for doing the session.

He was a good subject and went into trance quickly. He found himself in Jamshedpur a small city in the east of India famous for the Tata Iron and Steel Plant. The year was 1962 and he was 19 years old. His body was tall and wiry. He saw himself in his house which was made of bricks and had a flat roof. There was no habitation where he seemed to live. His mother was visible to him. She had worn a sari which was white and indicated that she was a widow. They were poor is what he knew from the surroundings. He did not attend school and was a wastrel. He didn’t do much to support the home. He had no friends as he didn’t feel the presence of anyone around. 

When the therapist finds that the subject does not have much happening as far as events in his life it is important to say, ‘Move to the next important incident.” This is done else his consciousness will move to the body consciousness and register some sensation and the trance state will break.

Gulgul was led to the next event and he saw himself walking towards a river. He first said water then he felt it was river flowing fast in places. As I allowed him to have some time to adjust to the appearance of water which was his problem and his panacea he relented.

The next scene which appeared was seeing him dipping his feet in water. This is when I asked him to feel the water intently.  He was feeling the coldness, the wave and rushing ripples and his skin tingling in the cold

 As he suggested to me that the water was rising to his knees I asked him whether he had let himself in the water. He replied in the affirmative.  I asked him the reason which had prompted him to enter the strong waters. His instant reply was, ‘I want to die, and I think I want to commit suicide.’ Later when he came out of the trance he was surprised to even think he had desired such a thing.

The water was rising and Gulgul was feeling the sand under his feet sliding. The water was bobbing in and out of his mouth. This was the significant moment when it was important to make him become aware, touch inwardly how it felt. Was there fear? He said a little. As the water rose he saw his body sinking. This meant that the consciousness had left the body. It was free from the body yet linked to it. It did not move away immediately from the spot.

On guiding him he moved away and went to see his mother. This is when he felt guilty of his act. He could not bring himself to leave the place immediately. His mother continued to grow old and he remained there looking after his mother.  When I asked him how many years, he nonchalantly replied till 1980. He was born in 1981 in this life and is 30 years old now.

This session as many others before confirmed that some traumatized souls are unable to leave this earthly existence. After their suicide they suddenly feel attached to their act. There is guiltiness and shame for their remorse for having left their loved ones comes to the surface. Gulgul spoke about how he was blaming himself for leaving his frail mother alone.

Some of them stay in the same house and experience depression. Souls can also self reproach and live in misery. Gulgul lived for such a long time in this condition that the thought of death by drowning must have got identified and the anger had got transferred to drinking water.

In this life Gulgul after coming out of the trance he drank a glass full of water. He also told me that whenever his family would travel from Banaras to Bombay, whenever Jamshedpur station would arrive he would stand at the window and look out. He has never visited Jamshedpur nor as a child got down at the station but he can remember the fascination for the station and the name Jamshedpur. If he knows that someone hails from that city he somehow feels his ears stand up. He had no idea that Jamshedpur has a famous marble rocks which is a famous tourist stop.

Gulgul went to Jamshedpur recently and visited the site of his suicide. He recognized the place where he had stood and drowned. His fear of drinking water has been healed completely. A single session and a miracle had happened. These amazing people who entrust their faith in me, I thank deeply for they make me believe in the miraculous that exists in them and in all of us. Hurrah!