Uma a 65 year old has been suffering for the last 9 months. Her husband died of kidney failure and she is feeling very depressed. Now that’s natural. Mourning in times like this heals as tears wash away much of the pain. After some time the person recovers and continues to live maybe with a heavy heart. She carries on her duties and after some time blends with her life routine. Uma has been unable to do this. What could be the reason for this?
Uma’s Husband was a patient of kidney transplant. Her life for nearly 20 years revolved around him. He had kept her engaged in his illness. She would be busy with his medical tests, medicines, regular dialysis outings and rigorous food timetable. She had to keep a check on his water intake and also dissuade his fetish for extra salt. He loved potatoes and so she had to make an extra effort to get him to eat other vegetables. His sweet tongue also had to be kept in check for the fear of developing diabetes. For nearly two decades Uma was a nurse maid to her husband. In spite of such devotion her husband was abusive and used to call her names, one of them was bullock or in Gujarati Baladh. She used to cry at her Kismet and pray when she will be released from this torture.
Her husband died and it was assumed that after the initial grief she will be relieved and return to now enjoying the rest of her life. This somehow has not happened. Instead she is feeling terribly guilty that her wish to be free has got her husband to die. She has started punishing herself. Her husband used to say that when I am no more you will sit on this black sofa and rot. She is continuing to play the victims role as pain has become comfortable for her. She has been unable to experience pleasure as she was never given the confidence that she is worthy.
It is so important in life for couples to understand that one’s partner is not ones slave but an individual who has the right to personal gratification. I advice each one of you to develop a personal pleasure principle which is engaged in or indulged in without your partner. It will see you through the most difficult times in life if you are ever lonely.
Please be your best friend!!!