Have you seen ‘Satyakam’ a 1970 movie with Dharmendra and Sharmila Tagore? A wonderful Hrishikesh Mukherjee movie with smiles and tears which leave you feeling so tranquil and calm. The death of Satya today made me feel like that. Let me share my few encounters with him. I call them encounters because they did not have the coldness of a therapeutic relationship between a client and therapist. He struck me as being unapologetic about his anger that he had stored with his disenchanted childhood. He was maybe 45 but had the brashness and uninhibitedness of a child at age 4. Maybe this is what made me feel protective and concerned. This is when I allowed myself to embody his mother as I knew that unless he made peace with her he would not be rested. My sessions with him were a learning experience for me and so I wish to share them with you all. I know he would have approved of it for he didn’t care what others thought of him. He was obsessed with his desires and he had many. He lived all of them, I hope.
When I saw him the first time at my clinic he walked in with a walker. He had been a homeopath and was dead against modern medicine. He was so enraged by it that no medical intervention was allowed in his house. His belief in alternative healing was unshakable. It was easier to move a mountain but not Satya. He had developed a sarcoma in his left calf muscle which had been growing rapidly. He knew it was malignant. He had been experiencing nausea and vomiting for some time and this was due to a stomach tumor which he had diagnosed intuitively. He was determined to work with it and this prompted him to come for his regression therapy. He felt that he had issues which needed to be resolved if he had to move on. Deep down he knew that if he had to pass over, he didn’t want to with these carcinogenic issues.
His first session was focused on his deep anger and resentment towards his mother. He loved her but could not nurture her. He cared for her but could not care for her. He saw her strength and appreciated it but felt helpless for not standing by her. He saw his mother ridiculed and humiliated by her relatives and he would feel the fury engulf him, but as a young 4 year old he was helpless. His facial muscles would clench, his hands would involuntarily curl into a fistful of rage and his insides would spasm pouring out bile. His annoyance and antagonism was being swallowed every moment into his infant mind and there was no way to let it out but to rebel with the system. This he did well. He became very adept at it. He became a charmer, so women of all ages would shower him with attention. But the love was not enough and so more wonderful women came and went giving him love while he broke their hearts. Every woman for him mirrored the love of his mother. They all felt they wanted to protect him and take care of him. He in return ran away from commitment.
Men too, got attracted to him because of his daredevil attitude and as his friends were chatting about him I could see how much they loved him… how much!!! It was overflowing as I travelled in the car with them to see Satya.
During the first session an age regression was done. He went back to when he was 4 years old and saw himself stand in a corner looking at his uncle berating his mother. He was able to feel his muscles spasm and hurt. He recognized the ferocity with which the anger was rising and turning toxic. His stomach was churning and as I allowed him to feel the rise of the emotion he started getting pain. The pain was localizing itself to his stomach and lower limbs. He said, “I want to run, but I can’t.” His calf muscles and feet were hurting and he was unable to place them straight. As the session proceeded and he was encouraged to feel each and every twitch in his muscles he started to relax. Slowly he was led to the womb where he could feel the love of his mother. The womb felt warm and cozy. He did pick up the conflict and unrest going on in his mothers mind but he felt welcomed. This was the first breakthrough in a long time where he was able to feel his mother’s love. During this time, I was able to see his mother emerge in my mind. She was crying and as if she was me at that moment I had tears flowing out of my eyes for a very long time. He was looking at me as if he was seeing his mother cry. In that eternal divine moment we connected. He spoke about how much he loved her and how sorry he was for what transpired between them over the years. He freed her at that moment forever.
The next session was due soon. I knew that he had to still work on the anger and resentment that was curled up in his fist against his uncle. Sometimes when the person has high intensity of vehemence they are also fearful of it. This makes them tense, anxious and nervous about what will emerge. This is not a good indication for past life therapy. With Satya, I realized this and so decided to start with the rebirthing breath. The four short one long rhythm went along well and Satya was able to relax faster and move into a deep trance state. This is when the past life imagery opened up and he saw him in a uniform of a policeman. The helmet revealed that he was in old England and he had a rifle in his hand. The rifle had a bayonet and it was being held over an old man. The eyes of the man revealed that his uncle was pleading with him not to hurt him. The policeman was unable to control his rage and plunged the bayonet into the stomach of the old man. The man kept pleading but to no avail. The old man’s body was lying and the policeman walks away. This was a defining moment of that life which created karmic debt with his uncle. In this life he had decided to repay that debt. After this session his nausea and vomiting vanished and never returned till he passed away. He seemed to have worked through with the anger towards his uncle in the session. He then felt much relaxed and decided to take some Ayurvedic treatment.
He contacted me again in January saying that the Ayurvedic treatment was working and his leg tumor had begun to spew out discharge. This according to the doctors was a positive sign. His orthopedic surgeon though was of the opinion that he should amputate his leg but Satya was not going to listen to it. He was against surgery and wanted to heal it through alternative means only. Someone would call his faith foolish but if you look deeper you will see that his only desire was to Passover without hate and anger towards his situation in childhood which never left him. He was not as concerned about life as he was about dying with negativity.
I could not travel to see him earlier due to work and his messages indicated that he wanted to share something with me. I knew that I would meet him soon and when his friends told me that they were going to see him, I decided to take the nine hour drive to Dharwad to see him. I wanted him to pass over peacefully. He had to offload his baggage and then depart.
When I saw him, he was disoriented and confused. This was similar to someone moving in and out of one’s physical body. The tumor had occupied most of his muscle mass in his leg and there was a rancid odor in the entire room. He looked at his friends and was happy to see them. I sat with him and he said that the one thing that was disturbing him was why this has happened and how is it going to heal. Somewhere he was talking about healing his soul rather than his body. I could feel that he was attached to the pain and this will have to be relieved if he had to depart peacefully or recover. I decided that I had to work with the remaining residue of rage within him. I devised a bardo technique which was different than the general ones. It had to be done gently and metaphorically rather than obviously. He was not ready to hear the word death but I knew if he let go of the desire to hurt he would accept death willingly.
I used symbols to convey the whole of existence and him as being a small light form floating in the cosmic space. There were many pebbles placed around in this space on which were written many anger related words like rage, resentment, disappointment, disapproval, dissatisfaction, hurt, guilt, rejection, bitterness, suffering, dislike and then asked him to throw them one by one into a magical pond of water. He was asked to visualize as every pebble hit the surface of water and watch as it sunk to the bottom. As he watched every one of them he started getting pain rising from his chest and abdominal region. He kept feeling his naval and the pain continued to rise as the visualization became more intense. It seemed as if the region of the naval had held the anger against his mother. I moved forward to asking his mother to come forward and pick up all the pebbles and each pebble turned to light radiating around them .The mother appeared and he could feel her taking him to a radiant light. He felt he was dissolving in it and he felt lighter and lighter in that experience. As the guidance continued his pain decreased till it was gone. After the session was over he opened his eyes which had turned brighter and he smiled. When I asked him about the pebbles he said, “I saw that the words written were turning to love. My mother was beautiful and I have freed myself from my anger for her. I feel I don’t need any reason to be sick any longer.” I didn’t know what he meant was – I don’t need a reason to be in this body, for this is sick not me. I am so grateful that he decided to leave , depart with love… he has blessed himself to chose a body which will be free of disease and disorder.
His friends sat together that day and remembered their beloved rascal. God bless him with divine grace.
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