When God Appears

I have wondered many times about the presence of God.  As a young child I wondered when my mother asked me to fold my hands and eat the prasadam in front of the small idol of Krishna whether he would wink at me and play the flute. In time I obviously realized that it’s not worth waiting for God to appear but just to enjoy the sweetmeat.  As a pre pubertal teenager I was told, fast for five days and God will grant you a wonderful husband. The lure of meeting your cousin’s everyday and staying up late took the better of me and I forgot about appeasing God.  When the exams would arrive I would be told that making a garland of parijat flowers and offering it to Lord Krishna would grant you a first rank. I decided that I should try it and voila I did stand first in class for the first time in the sixth grade. The day my result was out I forgot about God. Drunk by my innocent greed I dismissed the thought of another exam.  I returned to passing by the parijat flowers without batting an eyelid. Then came the festival of Navratri and my focus was on dressing up and playing garba rather than understanding the mahima of Ma Durga. Every time I passed a temple I would bow myself folding hands and continued to chat with my friends. When a difficult period arrived I would fight and complain to God that he is not understanding, helpful and always takes pleasure in my disappointments. God was a convenient punching bag for all that didn’t happen. It was always his fault. As I grew up I decided it was best to leave him out of my life as anyway he didn’t do much. I don’t remember if I ever thought of God little more than someone who just stood and stared. I forgot him and never expected anything from him. My visits to temples stopped and apart from bowing once in a year to him out of family pressure Gods existence in my life had disappeared.

Years passed and then one rainy day more than two decades ago, my belief began to change. I still remember sleeping under the open dark sky sprinkled with a zillion stars, the soft green mushy grass cradling my body I looked up. The stardust felt as if it was penetrating my eyes. The starlight was all around me and transporting me into a magical world. Though there were a zillion stars I felt I was one with all of them. They were me and I was them. The mesmerizing sense of being one with the starlit sky was a mystical experience. My trek to the Himalayas and the camp at Jari near Kulu will always be etched in my consciousness when I first encountered God. God in his brilliance. I knew then that God existed in everything. I also realized that you just had to close your eyes and you can be one with Him. After that night every night God visits me. I have let God appear in my life. There were many incidences after this when God came with his hands open embracing me and showing me his love.

During my growing up years I volunteered at the Missionaries of Charity and while feeding the old women I would glimpse God. Their toothless smile and warm hands were so full of love. When I worked with slum children doing puppet shows I was close to God. Their nasal voices and running noses were ballooned with Gods words. I still remember the day Zubin an autistic boy with whom I worked at the Spastics Society of India stood near the school fence and kept getting excited at every bus that passed by I knew god wanted me to learn patience. Zubin was teaching me in most exciting manner how I needed to just wait for a miracle to happen. When I found that I was pregnant I thought would it not be fun to ask something from God which was quite impossible and I did. I said to him well I want a baby girl exactly like the picture on the wall and she must be left handed. Nine months later my Dingy turned out a replica of the calendar picture and in time we discovered she was left handed. God had shown me never to doubt him.  My ability to trust him increased and now it is just fun to be with him. He has shown me the power of a wish.  Years later when my private practice in clinical psychology began I would see people visit me with great hope and I would tell them look within you. Let God sit by your side and the guidance I give you will work faster than you think. Once I remember I was on my way to work when suddenly my eyes kept going to a certain banner on the road. There in was mentioned in bold letters – ‘Abortion Rs 60/-‘I never think it is coincidental and very soon behind the red bus the banner was peering at me. Just a kilometer away as I walked to the clinic the banner was right at the gate. I knew it was not there a day before but had just appeared today. This was a sign and I knew the first thing I needed to ask my young client was if she had gone through an abortion secretly.  As I put forth the question to her she was left speechless. The board outside my hospital was pulled out in the evening.  Innumerable such miracles later I knew God is all around us. He whispers through the breeze and like essence fills our life with fragrance.

Recently a friend told me an experience about how God visited her. She was travelling in an auto rickshaw in Delhi. It was foggy and she was in a hurry to catch her flight to Mumbai. A street urchin barely visible insisted that she buy a plaster of Paris statue.  He was giving it to her for fifty rupees. Without much ado she just thrust a fifty rupee note and the signal turned green and she sped off to her destination. The statue remained covered as it was put in a box and placed with her hand baggage. A few hours later when she reached home the box was placed in the furthest corner of her bedroom on a mantle place.  Her husband arrived and noticed the box. On opening the box they discovered the bust of Sai Baba. They decided to keep it and see it as a visit by God. She says their bad days were over very soon and they have kept Baba exactly where he was placed that day. There are many wonderful and inspiring stories that are waiting to be told and I am hoping that this article will set forth a series of personal encounters with God. 

Today my scientific temperament has been invaded by the astonishing experiences that have embraced me. Meeting my husband who visited me first in my dreams years before I met him, the birth of my daughter and the death of my father  have been such powerful moments that only God could have made it possible.  When on my trek the group slipped off the snowcapped hillside and we could see the boulders appear just a foot away, God saved us by stopping us an inch before we could have crashed and died.  My encounter with jellyfishes at Goa and being poisoned by them and suffering from a semi paralytic state in the sea before I was pulled out was nothing short of a miracle. At the age of one I suffered from polio and my mother sensed something terrible was about to happen rushed me to the doctor. I still had to wear calipers and take physiotherapy for a year but recovered completely. I chose to first become a rehabilitation therapist and help children before my present work.

I am sure each one of you has encountered God and seen his miracles. I hope all of you will write in on the blog with your experiences and make this journey to understand ourselves as miraculous, multidimensional, magnificent supernovas more fulfilling.  Let us together take our selves seriously as messengers of God. Amen!