The Awesome London Cabbies

My three day trip to London to meet the innumerable people who have written to me after my show Raaz Pichele Janam Ka on Imagine Dil Se made big was made completely memorable by the London Cabbies.   I reached Heathrow Airport at 6.45 am on 13^th December 2010 and bracing the bitter cold wrapped up in my woolens was picked up by a cabbie that drove me to the hotel Crowe Plaza which was formerly called St. James Court. The cabbie was courteous and casual in his approach. He spoke in an English accent but then an Indian can be visible moment you set your eyes on one. I asked him if he was a Punjabi and he said, ‘Yes, but have lived here for 20 plus years and am comfortable. As the trip lengthened he continued to share with me the difficult climate and the harshness of alienation he feels from his homeland. He spoke about the isolation even from his own brood as there is no time for social rumblings. His wife is not happy but for the sake of their children’s future they have decided to live in a foreign land. The comforts he said come at a high prize. On asking what the price he pays for it is he nonchalantly replied, ‘Warmth.’

The afternoon had been planned to visit Sunrise Radio and another cabbie was going to pick me up.  This cabbie turned out to be someone who has come to London from Daman in Gujarat. His name was Sanjay and he was the only son of immigrant parents who may have landed in U.K. a century ago. He has five sisters who are all settled in UK. He kept staring in the mirror and at one point nearly severed the car to ask me for an autograph.  He was my first fan in London and I promised to click a photograph with him when we reached Sunrise Radio Station which is the most popular among the Asians all over Europe.

Sanjay went on to add to my already billowing information about life of an Indian Cabbie in London. He was constantly looking tense and when I asked him why he replied, ‘Well I must not make a mistake. Can’t speed beyond the limit mentioned on the speed board on the highway. He started to say how much he missed the life in India. He missed the neighborly love and just lazing around in his farm. He said he had come to England when he was 12 years and still missed his friends whom he visited at least once in two years. When I asked him when he plans to go home he grimly said, ‘Not now, when my son completes his education and takes up a job.’  “Well ‘. I said. ‘That will not be for the next 20 years.” The cabbie smiled wryly and nodded his head. ‘You know , the worst  thing living here is that I have to be constantly concerned about not doing anything wrong, I hardly think of what right I am doing.’ I smiled back and tapped on his shoulder urging him for a photograph and reassured him, ‘you know, when the desire is strong it will manifest sooner than you think.’ He added,’I hope so …I miss the warmth of my people.’ I raised my eyebrows at hearing the word twice

After the radio show which was a 10 minute capsule recorded with Mr. Ravi Sharma the voice of the Indian in Europe which reaches out to every heart I was later in the night dropped off to my hotel by Cabbie who was from Pakistan occupied Kashmir. He was much younger than the previous two and I was hoping he had something different to say. He strangely reiterated, ‘Well, when you are out of your homeland, see to it you don’t get into trouble. Here if you do no wrong, don’t interfere in other people‘s lives and mind your own business you are fine. Stay off others space is the way to live here.’ I was curious to know what it did to a man’s psyche when you are on tenterhooks all the time. He just looked surprised that I didn’t understand and he added, ‘Well you don’t feel warm enough and something in you just dies. But then it’s okay... I have no complains. I am happy.’ I waved him goodbye. This was an uncommon gesture and he was not used to it. I held myself back, just in case I broke the rule!!!

The next day I had to travel to Wembly a suburb in London populated by Guajarati. My cabbie was waiting down and he called me frantically as he could not wait longer as the cops would arrive and ask him to leave. There is no parking here for more than ten minutes. I rushed down and forgot to eat breakfast as I too was beginning to get worried for if he blurted out my name maybe I would get a ticket too. Well he was a Punjabi and someone who was quiet for one. I always thought that Punjabis were loud mouthed, back slapping and jovially foul mouthed. But no luck, he turned out to be very morose and cold. He just asked for correct directions and specific time when I had to reach. He checked his watch and said, ‘You will be there on time, before time if we don’t get traffic.’ I just asked him to relax and drive. He asked me to repeat what I had just said, ‘What did you say? Relax! Well that I have not done for a long time and so have forgotten.’ he looked behind and smiled. I felt relieved.  His smile reminded me that where ever you live when you see your kith and kin you smile. On disembarking I told him. ‘You know you have a lovely smile  ...use it more often and you will relax.’

The next cabbie was an older man from Chennai. He was brash, burly and loud mouthed. He started talking and never stopped till I reached the hotel Crowe Plaza which is four blocks away from Buckingham Palace.  He was certain that his choice to stay in London was correct. He had come more than 35 years ago and as a young man was very enamored by the British country side. He went on to add that he didn’t want his children to grow on foreign soil and so had sent his twelve year old daughter back to Chennai to live with his mother and he would do the same to his son as soon as he was the same age. He just wants himself to make enough so that he can provide for his family and does not mind doing odd jobs so that he can retire in peace. ‘This is no place to grow old, it has no warmth.’ I stood on the scrubbed pavement outside the Plaza waving to the cabbie and bared the cold but deep within me I was feeling the wonderful fulfilling warmth of affection that these cabbies had showered on me. They had encouraged me to continue spreading love, affection and warmth to all in London. Standing there in the frosty winter I knew that people everywhere need only to be loved deeply and wholly. People want to retrieve the warmness and tenderness that is the primal need of mankind. I entered the hotel and a burly black man with his friend approached me. He asked me if he could have a photograph with me. I didn’t ask him whether he knew me nor watched the show but unconditionally said yes. I too took one for a souvenir.

 

  The three day trip was such a super success. The work has found so many admirers that the workshop had an overwhelming response though we could not accommodate many who called in as it was a promotional workshop only.  I believe that to live in uncertainty opens innumerable possibilities. My trip was delayed by 4 days due to visa not reaching on time and I flew out of Heathrow just before the next snowstorm hit Europe. The universe knows what you need and when. We just have to do our bit in resonance with the intelligent cosmic stardust.

So see you all in South hall and Webley, Leicester and Bradford and New Castle soon in the year of the       Bravo!

Soul Role Shift at age 40

The last case that has been discussed was about a certain statement or decision that guides one life. Today I am going to talk about another case where you will see how a soul can give up on one decision that he has carried forward and in mid life generally in the 40’s that a new reason replaces the past decision and his role changes. When this occurs it is known that this role will be carried forward into the next one.

Rustom is a 51 year old who came to me because he was feeling sad. He felt that for the past 6 years he some how was unhappy though he had no reason to feel this. His career as a painter was doing well. He was loved by his mother and siblings. He seemed to have many friends and he was making money to support himself. He told me that he was a gay and had a steady boyfriend for the past many years but 6 years back that relationship broke off and he till date had not been able to form another relationship. This he felt was not the reason for his sadness. He was a very dutiful son and had been a provider for all.

Rustom was keen to find out what troubled him. He also said that he was always clumsy and had many falls in which he had injured his legs. He had stopped painting women since 6 years too. He felt something happened in the past which was triggered off what started happening 6 years ago. This is true; as you saw with Santosh it is at an appropriate moment, when you never anticipate any change that life takes a surprising turn.  

 There are 7 soul roles that our soul takes in different bodies to learn many of our lessons. Each of these soul roles will be seen in many of the cases that we are going to read about.

Rustom was the eldest of the three children. He was loved by his grandmother who thought the world of him. He was good at art but never took it up seriously as his father passed away early and he had to work hard and support his family. He started working young and even went to the Middle East to earn. Later he took up a job at a company in Mumbai. His sister was married but divorced a few years later. His brother too was a gay and seemed to find a partner and is happy now. Rustom was forced by his mother to meet women to get married and he did when he was younger. On one such meeting with young women he felt that he should have the guts to tell his mother what he felt. He came home that night and told his mother,’ Mum I did go out with the girl you have chosen but I was only looking at men. I don’t think I can marry this girl.’ The mother brushed it aside and said this tendency will pass once you get married. Rustom knew this was not going to happen. He told his mother- ‘ If my father had told you that he is attracted to men and not you after you got married how would you have felt’. His mother understood and has always supported him. His alternate sexual identity is something that he has chosen and is comfortable with. Sometimes this could be the life where some form of abuse has taken place and has affected your sexual identity. The cook in the house at age six had abused the boy. No one had believed him and later he never spoke about it till later date. The household was filled with omen and in his early days he was dressed as a girl and made to dance for fun. These ancient practices which possibly were there during the times of kings still are practiced by certain households is very detrimental to the health of young children. Rustom feels this caused this alternate sexuality.

But in the past life session he had a different experience. He saw a reality that shook him up. He initially in the session felt the abdominal area bloating. He felt the sensation in his stomach as if there was something inside. In the altered state he was shaking and trembling. He then indicated that he was uncomfortable and that he could feel an incision was being made. When I asked him to point where it was being done, he indicated the centre of his stomach. Very soon he saw that an infant was being born. When he was asked how he looked. He started to cry and said, ‘It’s still born, my baby is still born’. He also said that he felt dead. When I asked him whether he was dead he said, ‘No I feel dead.’ Sometimes the death of a child during childbirth creates the dead energy and this is what the mother carries with her all through her life and even later on if there have been no more children to soothe her. Rustom relived a life as a woman who was a widow and then also lost her child. He saw that he continued living as a woman but felt abandoned and sad through her life. When he experienced the moment of death he carried the following thought forms.

  No one cares what happens to me.

  I don’t want to be a woman and suffer.

  Children are not for me.

 No intimacy

When he was born in this life what did he choose first to feel abandoned- loss of the father to continue the thought forms that he had carried? He developed feminine traits which come from being women before. He decided not to get intimate with women. Not marry and have children. He chose to become a man so that he could control his actions and not get exposed to pain again. But the energy of the woman that he carried. Need to care, love and nurture were the opportunities that he had not enjoyed before he did now. He cared for everyone and provided for all. This is the role of the caregiver or the caretaker which many people have. They try and do things unconditionally with out asking anything in return. Nurses are in this role.

 At 41 years when his job was done his life changed. His paintings which he used to gift to his friends was liked by an art dealer. The art dealer called up and promised him his first independent art show one year later. Rustom could not believe. He did not have the confidence to deliver. But his mother encouraged him and he left his job and started painting and today is a celebrated painter. Life opened for him his next soul role which he will carry forward into his next life. This is the role of the Artist. At this moment he may be battling with issues of being not as famous as he would like to be.

 Seeing this life gave him the answers as to why he was gay. Thus sadness at himself left him and today he feels much better.

The other complain that he had come for was the injury on his feet and legs that used to occur frequently.

 He saw a life where he felt he was standing on the parapet of a building. He felt water rising up from below. When he was guided he suddenly saw that he was stuck in a lift. When I asked what kind of lift he answered – a service lift. Now sometimes in the session the person may go back and forth while narrating the incident and so guidance and grounding in the session has to be done. Then he saw that there was fire because of some short circuit. When he was asked to see where he was and from where the fire was coming, he replied that he was now in a basement and that there was fuel pipes running criss cross and he and many others were stuck in the basement. Slowly he described the situation and how everywhere there was noise. (Many people can hear and smell in the session). He experienced the rush and the stampede taking place. The fumes were growing larger and they were engulfing the area where they were standing. He knew that he was a worker in this fuel plant. There was fire and the fumes and flames moved to the higher floor where they were trying to save themselves. He felt his legs burn and get completely scarred. He and the others died in this fire and he felt completely imbalanced. The person after he dies is guided through the higher planes and to take help and messages from his guides. Rustom was very scared and after death the messages that were coming were not received well by him as he carried the feeling of defeat and abandonment which is similar to the previous life where too as a woman he felt that life is not worth it. Thus he saw two lives where he had the same pattern and thus now he needed to take cue from both these lives that he saw and do something where he needed to take risk and feel appreciated. Thus the soul role of the artist has opened where now the concentration is more on attention, appreciation, expression and creativity. He does not want to concentrate on family responsibility as a husband though he has taken on family responsibility. This also indicates that his soul level is still evolving and so immature. Thus the young soul level that he has will not allow him to take more at this point. One step at a time.

Rustom is doing well now. 3 months later he is feeling happier and he has not had a single trip or fall. He is has started painting women and accepting his sexual identity as a positive step in his karmic learning.

A case of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome dealt with Past Life Therapy

When we are born we carry forward many decisions that we make in our past life or lives. Sometimes that becomes our by line a mantra that somehow guides all our decisions in the present life.

 When you feel that in spite of everything that you do and say correctly things just don’t seem to move. All your efforts go in vain and at the end of the day you are where to start out from in the first place. Life seems a drag and you move towards becoming fatigued and depressed. It is possible that like Roxana (name changed) you have been carrying forward the decision that ‘I don’t deserve to be happy’. Roxana is a 54 year old woman who lives with her 14 year old son in Mumbai. She is a very intelligent and earns her livelihood working with as an insurance agent. She came to me as she had been suffering form Chronic Fatigue Syndrome a condition that is self sabotaging and destroys the very existence of a person as she is unable to function appropriately and feels pain all the time. Her background is very important to understand as this will give you an insight into how a simple decision can become your reason to live and perpetuate that feeling...

She is from a village close to Mangalore and the eldest of 10 children born to a man who was good for nothing. Her mother discovered early from the village school headmaster that her eldest daughter was the brightest and she has the capacity to study further. The father asked the headmaster that only if the school could provide some scholarship he could send her. The scholarship was granted and every month when the money was given her mother would take the money and buy ration for the house. Roxana knew that she was the bread winner of the family as her father worked sporadically. He would go to Dubai for 2-3 years return with money which her mother used to save up as the next few years she knew her husband would not work. So in effect they were always poor. Roxana grew up with little and the choice of the parents and family conditions in effect indicate that she felt that – ‘I don’t deserve to be happy’

 The decision that she made in a previous life time guided her to punish her with this situation. Her life continued with this self- sabotaging statement. She was sent to Mumbai when she was 18 years to work and earn for the family. She too without a word arrived at V.T station not knowing a single person in the city. Her father had given her the address of his friend whose home she would stay till she found a job. Fortunately an elderly couple in the compartment lived in the vicinity of the fiend and she was taken there. When she reached the place the friend’s wife refused to keep her and later when the husband called she relented and agreed to keep her for a month within which time she had to find a job. Luckily for her she got a job as a secretary in a firm. Meanwhile she moved to the working women’s hostel where she lived for more than 2 years. She used to earn 300 rupees out of which she would send 200 to her mother and manage in 100 rupees. Life was tough and she continued feeling that as my brothers and sisters don’t have much I too –‘don’t deserve to be happy’. When her friends asked her to have fun or go out with them she would refrain. Her mother two years later told her that she should get married as the younger sisters were not able to marry unless she does. Roxana didn’t want to marry but she was forced by her aunt to marry a man who was the eldest of a family of 7 brothers and sisters. Roxana knew that she would never be happy and one day just a month after her marriage she ran away. She was abused for her salary which the mother-in-law wanted. At this point there was anger and hatred towards her parents and God.

 The surprising part is that her husband never tried to find her and till date she has never met him. It’s been more than 25 years. She now just wanted to work and make a better life for herself and her family. Slowly all her sisters and brothers settled down. The wisest thing she did was to book a house. Her father decided to help initially but when the other children staked claim to the house Roxana decided to pay for the installments herself so that the house would belong to her. She felt that her siblings did not appreciate what she had done for them. This began to pain her deeply. The chronic fatigue syndrome set in. She felt betrayed and rejected. No one supported her. Still she kept her head high and lived with dignity. Her boss gave her a good post after she passed her LLB exams and this boasted her ego. All her friends insisted that she get married. She put an advertisement in the newspaper and she got an offer from a naval officer to meet her. Roxana could not believe this was happening to her. The man who spoke to her was keen to meet her. He invited her and her friends to the naval ball where she was swept off her feet by the pomp and show. This was a completely new world for her. Her friends insisted that this was the best she could have got. She too felt maybe her good days have begun. The man Hari told her that he was divorced and he had a 9 year old son for whom he wanted to marry. Roxana told him that she was looking for happiness and narrating her childhood she stated that she had never experienced love and thus will be unable to give the child more than just care. He agreed. She asked him to furnish the divorce papers but he always avoided that. She smelt a rat but somehow didn’t pursue it. She got married with the hope that she could now give up working and have a companion who would share her life with her. 15 days of bliss later Hari informed her that he had been transferred to Belgaum and his son will also stay with his parents there and she can continue her job. He will come to Mumbai once in 15 days. She could not believe that her dreams were shattering once again. The decision made in her past was again coming in her way. Her life remained just the same as before. In the next year she got pregnant. She was happy and felt that things may get normal. But it got worse. When she needed care and affection Hari was not around. One day after the birth of the baby she told him that as she was managing herself and he was not contributing in any manner to the child nor her she wanted a divorce. He without much fuss gave her the divorce. This is the most surprising part of her life. People left her without much fuss. No one created any new negative karma with her as she had so much of her own to carry. She was here in the present life to cope with her own guilt and suffer punishment for some action of hers that she had perceived as blasphemy or sin. Such a severe life is only chosen to pay back for some sin. Hari left never to return again. He has never seen his son in all these 14 years. This is also surprising and indicates the karmic connection with her son that Roxana shares. He is one of the reasons she has chosen who will help her to learn her karmic lessons and he has chosen her to teach it to him. They share a good rapport and through all these years she says he is one person who takes care of her and tends her when she is sick.

 She still suffers from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome as this is a condition which strikes people who feel their sin is so large that they just can’t get better.

Roxana came to meet me and said this was the last resort. She had tried everything and nothing had worked. Her back was hurting all the time. The pain was centered on the lumber region and nothing that she did made her feel better. Her shoulders also used to hurt her. Her health was fine and she had a good appetite. The other trouble she had was that there was a lot of burping and gas collection in her stomach. This lead to acidity and for 30 years now she had not eaten fruits as this increased it.

 She had left her previous job where she had worked for nearly 30 years and now was working as an insurance agent. This also involved traveling all the time and in effect there was no rest. This aggravated her condition as she kept on feeling that life is cruel to her. Added to this a maid would not stay at her home for more than 3 months. When the therapy began for the first time the maid stayed on for 1 year and has returned now from her vacation too.

Roxana was a difficult patient as she had never done any meditative work. Being a Christian she did not believe in reincarnation and was also not religious. She never went regularly to church. When I questioned her about her beliefs she said-‘I don’t believe that God has been fair to me. I guess I am angry with him for treating me this way’. When I explained the philosophy of how the mind, body and soul create for itself the situation that you choose she heard me out. She said what ever the form of therapy I need to get out of this pain. I will do what you tell me to.

For her first session we used the cognitive or rational approach to set her life right in the present circumstances. This helped her to cope better and corrected her thought process which became a little positive. She was taught visualization techniques to notice how her mind is working and sending her deep unconscious signals. This took some time but in a month she was ready for a past life session. Thus it is important to understand that every person who comes to me is different.

The first session she had fleeting images of the ocean. High waves crashing and she felt herself in it. Slowly as I guided her she could see the moon shinning and felt her self under the water. As she saw herself sinking she visualized herself as an infant hardly a month old. She saw as she was sinking her eyes were open and she knew that she had fallen down from a ship. She saw an aircraft moving upwards from the water. She knew that they had come to find her but now nothing could be done. She was drowning and could feel her intestines twisting. Her mouth was turning blue and green vomit was seen coming out of her mouth. The session was for more than an hour and for all that time she was burping continuously. The burping continued non stop. She was encouraged to let it all out. Slowly the burping stopped and now for more than 6 months she has had no burping and for the first time in 30 years she can eat fruits. This was a great success and encouraged her to work harder on her visualizations. A regime was given to her every morning with a tape to open her charkas and pay attention to her unconscious.

The next session she was all geared up. Her mood was better. She knew now that the power of the mind was stronger than her body and she can work her way to get better.

The next life that she visited was unique. She was guided to go within her pain in the lumber region. As the layers of her skin were being opened up and she was seen as entering into it like a miniature person she encountered the figure of Jesus. This is interesting to note that though she was not religious she would always see Jesus. This made no sense to her till now.

She saw herself as a young man. Tall and wiry and standing with a huge crowd of people – men, women, and children all standing with their eyes staring at the crucification of Christ taking place. They could not say anything; do nothing and each one of them carrying the burden of pain. She saw herself as this man who was standing and looking at the Crucification taking place. He felt sad at the happening that Christ was being crucified and angry that he could not do anything to save him. Each person standing there was feeling the burden of being alive. They possibly in different ways wanted to take some of the pain Christ felt. She saw herself as this man turning his back on Christ and told himself that he did not deserve to be happy when his God had died suffering. He was decided to be happy in little. I have done a sin by turning my back. He vowed to pay for it. The present life is a pay back time and so the same statement seems to be still alive. Do not think that this comes from only one life. There are many lives in different contexts that have been lived to fulfill this one decision that was made in this ancient life.

She felt relived that she had been unable to contact such an ancient life. This also motivated her to visit the church more often and started seeing her life differently. It was seeen as a life of service not repentance.

The other life which is interesting and where the same decision is seen was seen as a middle aged man living in Latvia in Eastern Europe. He was a scientist who was a loner. He never met anyone and everyone thought he was crazy. He had a daughter who would help him out. He had a laboratory in which he was working. He had written a book a manual about the Christian faith and had gone against the fundamental laws of Christianity. This was a life in the 17^th century when the tenets of the religious heads were being questioned. He was then standing in the balcony and there were many people who were shouting slogans against him. This did not affect him. He was then stoned and tied up. Hew had to suffer a lot of pain and humiliation. While this was being seen by her, the body was feeling the pain which had been stored in the mind body for a very long time. This pain was now surfacing and it was moving out of the system in a unique manner. The soul now could indicate to her physical presence this life where this pain belongs and that she needs to leave it where it comes from- in another life.

 The session helped her with clarity and she felt god was not trying to give her pain but she had been carrying it of her own accord.

She felt better and her fatigue was better by 30 %. She still comes for her sessions and slowly she hopes now to get better by developing insight and not blame. This is important as blame only creates the energy of negation and stops you to enjoy all that was given to us.

Conscious Parenting

Few may be aware that I have more than 20 years of experience working with challenged children whether they have learning challenges, cerebral palsy or intellectually disadvantaged.
I am always invited to speak to parents and this article comes from a recent talk I gave pre school parents at a school in Khar. I thought I can share it with all of you.
Children are very dear to me and I thank Mrs Mithudi the Chairman or ADAPT ( formerly called the Spastics Society of India) where I worked for many years as a Clinical Psychologist- Therapist. At my interview in 1983 she said, 'Well you have some fancy degrees, but can you dance, sing and act.'This was an unusual request for the job I was applying for. I looked at her and saw that she meant it. I replied in the affirmative. She smiled and I knew I was in for a wonderful time. All that I know is from my days at the centre. Humility, Patience, Tolerance, Empathy, Wonder, Surprises, Laughter, Love, Unconditionalness, Concern, Care, Comapssion are all the many qualities that my children at the centre taught me. Through my two decade long association with the centre I have learnt so much from those magical souls that touched my heart. What Mithudi meant I understood and have been trying to spread it to all. The article is a short summary of someof the pointers that parents must rememeber and begin consciously to use them.

lets look at the preschool concerns that parents have;
1) If your child is irritated the concern could be lack of sleep.
2) If the child is showing temper tantrums it is generally seen that she is unable to digest the food eaten so there could be flatulence, stomach ache or she is plain hungry.
3) If you child has suddenly become disobedient then watch your toileting skills, remarks while toilet training and change them.
4) If there is a spurt of submissiveness or dominance look at the childs socialization skills. are you suddenly forcing her to change her social skills, pushing her to be more freindly when she is not ready. Are strangers threatening ... then wait for the right time to come. dont think she is crazy if she hides behind a curtain. its not starnge.. so let go.
5) If the child is crying then there is fear of separation which is looming large. look at your behavior and change it.
as you can see it is about parents making the change and not children. So parents be conscious while you deal with your preschoolers.

Lets look  at ourself with our child spiritually ..through the eyes of the Almightly first.

The sun never fails to perform its function giving warmth to all, the moon is never late, and seasons come and go similarly a child grows up physically, mentally and emotionally as the whole creation evolve. As no two moments are same no two children are the same. As you see your child don’t see a reflection of you or your husband but a reflection of god. If you do so there will never be comparison… your child will be free of it forever… you will be free of trying to better your child … this will free him from stress and lack of confidence. God has provided us with his image only for this purpose.

Today let us take a right turn… to understand the rules of conscious parenting…

1.      Face your demons:  some people believe that mothering is natural... to believe that all women will make wonderful mothers or all fathers will forget their hurt and nurture their offspring is naïve. It takes effort to hon. your skills and become a parent. The reason why you have had a child will determine how good or not so good parent you are going to be. The first rule is talk about the problems that you seem to be facing… frustration, fears, worries, which all reside in your mind… face them courageously… parents who don’t talk about their fears end up fighting and blaming each other. Such parents are reluctant lovers.  

2.      You can’t have it all: you cannot keep a full time job, parent your child, work regularly at a fitness gym, entertain your friends, cook, clean and please all and not feel irritable and angry. Choices must be made… the birth of a child changes your life forever... choice and change go hand in hand. Appreciate the choice you have made.

3.      Your children know what you are feeling:  studies on children of age 3 indicate that the children don’t become anxious till their mothers become anxious. There is a reciprocal system of interaction between parent and child. By the time children are born they have come in with their specific tastes and personalities. Some are shy, outgoing, cranky, worrisome, and insomniac. Some smile more some less. It’s okay… if you smile more there is a possibility their child does the same. We treat boys differently than girls…a calm baby differently than an anxious one. When a parent is anxious she will not be able to recognize the emotional state of the child. It is important to be calm to help you baby. Many mothers at 1 month have already formed opinions of their baby and it is seen that this affects their perception of their baby when he is 4 ½ and 10 years. The new buzz is contingent responsiveness… respond as the child is not what you expect of the child to be.

4.      Don’t stereotype your child... these harms and hurts the development of the child. Sex typing begins at birth and continues till late. Many mothers encourage cross dressing, applying lipstick on male children… toys are also specific to gender… phrases like don’t cry said too often to boys… hurts. Know your negative expectations, fears, perceptions ideas about raising children. Talk about it and make a choice to change it if you feel it may hamper the Childs development.

5.      Resolve the second child syndrome: do focus on your older child and make time for her, cook what she likes, show interest in her friends, don’t brush her away as busy you may be, involve her in the general stuff for the second one. The child is the teacher and so learns from what she is expressing.

6.      Fathers love is just as important as mothers:  two days father is willing to co parent. Allow him to. Today 40% of American children sleep in homes where the father is absent... this could happen in India soon. They say more than half of the continents children today be the time they reach 18 are likely to spend significant childhood away from their fathers. The presence of a father enhances self esteem, economic security, physical and emotional health. The development of gender role, identity depends on a good father. By 1 ½ most toddlers shift their gaze on the father. Child rearing is not a solo act.

A teen told me; Sticks and stones can break my bones but words destroyed my childhood.’

My top ten list to avoid saying and doing:

1.      If a child is crying or acts up all she wants is attention so best ignore her

2.      Attention spoils the child

3.      To give your child extra activities put off family trips.

4.       Even if your spouse and you have differences stay together for the sake of your child

5.       Pay attention only if they do something wrong

6.       Make your child play sports even if they hate it.

7.      Say unflattering things in front of their friends.

8.      Poke good natured fun at some negative attribute.

9.       Speak about a trait as if it is a liability.

10.  A child that spends time reading is a nerd.

Punishment- Only if you need to ... according to me try not to.

Remember the few rules of the rod. 

It must fit the crime

Don’t make empty threats

Present a united force.

Don’t subject your child to physical violence or assault.

" The lord smiles at us everytime a child squeals with delight.

" The Lord takes us to task everytime a child cries.

"The Lord gives us a hug everytime a child throws a tantrum.

'The Lord recives our love everytime I wait to respond to my child.

The Lord says, 'Wait, Think and Respond... you will do it right..just like i would.'

Team of Raaz Pichle Janam Ka

Past Life Therapy - A hope from the Past

Past life therapy or reincarnation therapy is based on the karma theory and on ancient Hindu Scriptures but the therapy has come in from the west. We know that the west does not believe in reincarnation but for many years now Dr. Brain Weiss has given it a new face through his book Many Lives Many Masters. Many psychiatrists and healers have done some amazing work and through this column I am going to share the many real life stories of people from all over the world. It has been a fascinating journey for me with my work here Bombay which I will share with you through my patients reliving their lives and in effect relieving themselves from their medical and emotional symptoms.

  Let me begin with the case of Santosh (name changed).  He was a 41-year-old man who called for an appointment, as he felt that what was happening to him could not have a rational explanation. He had visited a psychiatrist who had prescribed some tranquilizers for his anxiety and depression but they were not helping his condition except making him drowsy. Someone gave him the book I mentioned above and he decided to visit me.

  On the first meeting he told me that he had shifted from Delhi in 2005 for vocational reasons with his family. This was the first time that he was in the city. He lived in the suburb and would travel every day in the AC bus to Worli. He used to catch the bus from a certain stop, which was near his home. A few days later in July he decided to catch the bus from its starting point. That day everything changed for him. He walked to the bus stop and while he waited at the bus he saw a woman aged 35 years. She was someone whom he had never met, heard of or seen before. Something happened to him. He felt he knew her and wanted to help her. He felt that he was meant to help her. A couple of days went but he could not shake this feeling that he had to help her and that he had to see her face. He started catching the bus everyday at the same time and the day the woman would not come he would be inconsolable. He began to have crying spells and depressive symptoms. He could not sleep, eat and work. He just didn’t know what to do? He shared this happening with one of his colleagues who joked and said that he was in love and thus behaving like a love lorn person. Santosh refuted this and said this woman troubled him as if he had done something to her and now will have to pay for it. Every moment he felt that he had to see her face. This continued for more than 10 months. Till his friend gave him the book. Everything changed for him when he went through his sessions.

  Santosh was put in an altered state of consciousness which is like hypnosis though here the therapist does not give suggestions but guides the person where the source of the problem lies in this life or in the past many lives that we have lived.

 Santosh was a good subject and was able to relax and follow the instructions well. He regressed into a life that he had led in 1925 where the woman he saw at the bus stop was his wife and they lived in a quiet mountainous place which we can infer as he saw them living in a wooden house. They were happy and loved each other. Suddenly one night there was a sound and he went out and encountered a tiger. In this fateful moment the tiger killed him. Thus the life that opened for him was not from infancy onwards but he was guided by his soul to see and re experience the moment of death so that the answers to his question, which had been troubling him, can come to him and insight can be developed. Santosh during the session cried and shouted in pain. He also felt and saw that when he dies and his soul left his body his wife was crying with her head bent down. As he was leaving her and moving upwards the only wish and thought he had been – ‘I want to see her face’. This was the same thought that had made him crazy the whole year.

 After this he regressed further in the next session in a life Britain that was a life in 1892 where he was married to the same woman and then saw his present son as his younger son and his brother in this life as his elder son. He saw his father who was not involved with the family and spent time reading the newspaper. There was no relationship with him and in this life too he lost his father early and did not have nay relationship with him. This is how the soul carries forward relationships that you have not been able to cope with but have still not chosen to do anything about it. In this life too Santosh dies young leaving his wife to look after the children. He is so upset that he decides to be around and we know that the soul can visit the earthly planes when it desires too especially when he has left things incomplete or undone. He sees his elder son harassing his mother and she is thrown out of the house. This life opened further the reason why she had not chosen him in this life. It is important to know that when a soul chooses another person it is in the hope that by being with the person the karmic lessons will be learnt. The woman who was seen at the bus stop had already had two lives with this person who somehow had left her to fend for herself and she had learnt her lesson to live on her own from being with Santosh in both the lives and hence did not need to choose to be with him again. Santosh on the other hand has not had enough of her and would like to help her, as this is what his soul felt in both the lives. So Santoshs soul created a situation at the age when he passed away in one of the lives so that he could see her and develops insight into his pain and grief of leaving her. He needs to see that she is all right and being looked after.

This is a unique case as the regression yielded results really fast and all his symptoms of pain, sleepiness, crying spells disappeared. He says that he is free of the agony and can feel normal again.

Santosh had other symptoms like back pain and fear of heights which were also relieved when he visited two other lives where he was a warrior who was unmarried and died when a sword was pierced in his back and magically the pain receded. Living a life of a priest during the Roman times and spreading the message of Christ he angered the Romans and he was tied in net and thrown down the mountains. Here too he was unmarried and old. Miraculously the fear of heights disappeared and he was able to look down from the 16^th floor of a building.

Santosh is today free of the symptoms for which he visited me earlier and within 5 sessions he has been able to function normally.

He is still traveling by the same bus but now it is twice a week.  He has learnt to distance himself from her, as it is not right to interfere with her decision that has been made in this life.

There are many things that are beyond science and we need to respect the soul and what it is showing us to evolve us further. A little prayer of thanks is always done after every session for my personal spirit guide who helps me.

Be the Ocean

                 ‘Give up the drop and become part of the ocean’

-         Jalal –ud- din- rumi

Who am I? Where do I come from and where will I go once this physical garb is worn out? This is the eternal quest of  all mortals. The need to find the reason why we incarnate leads us to begin our search in life. Some begin early while others later when the dusk has drawn them close to the end of  physical existence. Most of us never find an answer while others choose not to walk on this path. Many go to astrologers and palmists and return with some answers but generally remain dissatisfied and begin their search again for another solution regarding their problems. Some go to satsangs and others sit by the feet of sadhus. Some rationalize and believe that they have been born by accident and others lament the futility of living itself. Many believe in the power of dua and prayer and others think it all a big hoax. Everyone is looking for a cure, a remedy which can get them out of suffering.

 But interestingly no one wants to work at releasing themselves from pain and hurt and expect that one fine day some miracle will just happen and they will be released from human bondage.    

 

In my years of practice I have found that everyone has an interest in finding out what their past life has been. This has nothing to do with their belief. Even the ones who say that they don’t beleve do arrive and go through the session. Curiosity always takes the better of you when something as mystical as past life is heard from others.

Life has given us the abundance to love and become a loving human being. Why don’t we use this powerful energy that lives in us and waits to emerge and envelope all mankind around us. When someone does a past life session their first observation when they come out of the altered state is to say, ‘It is wonderful to be free. I felt as if I was one with the source.’ The experience of light is blissful. The celetial experince is unique and they are delighted to observe that they are not the body but a vast gleaming  force of divinity. This awarenss is enough to wake them up from their material slumber.

When this realization dawns the person begins to dissolve the lines of separation that have been created between the self and the non self. The non self is envisaged as the divine power who is considered invincible and limitless. Sudenly when the ethereal self is experienced which is limitless there is a paradigm shift that takes the veil of the belief of oneself. From being considered as a physcial entity who is entrenched with the material world suddenly you are identifying yourself with non matter. This brings about a lightness of heart and a lightfootedness. Many people will say that they feel wooly and can hardly seem to be thinking. This no thought minute has within it the energy of primal information since the beginning of the universe. The past life session provides the background to witness the oneness with the source. Light dissolves in light and all becomes a rhythmic OM. There is a feeling of being undivided and unbroken. Suddenly you find yourself singing in your heart and  sheltered  under the umbrella of love. This love is shimmering through you.    

“ The drop begin its journey and becomes one with the ocean”  

      

Present life Pilgrimage

Dear readers from today I am going to share with you my very special work which helped me to evolve as a person and also help others. I am a practicing clinical psychologist for the past 20 years. I work at a psychiatric hospital at Versova. After my SYJC, I joined G.S.Medical College and studied Occupational Therapy. While being exposed to the metaphyscial aspect  of  science I realized that I wanted to pursue it further. So after my graduation in it which helped me to gain a medical insight into conditions I approached the Kalina University to do post graduation in Clinical psychology. This was not allowed as students could not shift from one stream into the other. Dr. Kale head of Department asked me to give a written exam. He thought he could dissuade me. But this did not happen and I passed in both the viva and written exam. He had to enroll me in the program. Apart from me there is another friend of mine who did it with me. We are the only two people in the history of Mumbai University who have been able to do this shift.  Thus for me the thought is – I can do what I want to do, nothing in the world is impossible to achieve and Life is a journey to collect lots of knowledge and create memories which are wonderful. This positive attitude comes from my past lives that I have lived as a Mystic priest during the times of Christ, a nun in a convent who spread cared for the under privileged. Though I have lived lives which have been away from the domestic responsibilities at some time or the other I will have to opt for lives where I have to learn this karmic lesson too. So the most important life that I have lived was in 1775 which is linked to my present life.

I saw myself as a woman living in the Himachal most probably Kulu. I saw my home – wooden and run down with my husband in my present life there as my husband then. He was a good for nothing person, used to drink all day and not bothered about from where the food would come the next day. He did not work. I worked in the poppy field with my daughter who was 15 years old. Sometimes if you have to take a lesson or guidance you will feel or see something that makes complete sense to you. I saw myself worried as my daughter had not arrived form work. I ask my husband to go and find her but he was drinking. I rush down the cobbled path to the owner’s house. When I knocked at the door the owner opened the door, his upper torso was visible to me which was naked. His wife was standing behind him under the kitchen light. She was worried and crying. I asked him, ‘Where is my daughter, she has not returned home and its late.’ The man smiled wryly while his wife seemed concerned. Suddenly I looked to my right and I see my daughter running down crying. I instantly know that something has happened. I ask the man,’ What have you done to her?’ He does not reply and I see myself then taking out a gun (its important to realize that sometimes an original tool or object may be replaced by your mind with something you are familiar with) and point it at him. I never saw whether he was killed but I saw and felt my daughter and myself drowning in the river. We jumped from the high mountain and died. The past life is very significant for me as after reliving my past my nightmares of drowning have disappeared. Also I now know that my daughter chose me and I her as I have gone through 3 miscarriages before conceiving her. I used to always feel that she will be abused by a man and now I know where the fear comes from. I carry the debt of forcing my daughter to commit suicide with me. This is a huge debt and happened more than 300 years ago. I have to thus close my karmic connection with her and free myself of this debt by paving a better life for her. She is one of the only reasons that I have chosen this life. My husband in this life has chosen to be responsible, caring and unconditional. He provides and encourages. He oversees everything and takes care of finances. He used to drink and gave up drinking more than 10 years ago on my birthday. This action has freed him from many of his negative karmas that he is carrying. He is also now aware that he does not create any new negative karma. His work is easy but he is learning at home. Al three of us have chosen to close our relationships with each other in this life so that we can move on. This realization itself frees you from confusion of your purpose and life then becomes purposeful and divine.

 All our relationships mean something to us as we have chosen then to teach us something. Take some time and think about it.

Please do write in if you would like help. It only takes effort to get it.