Soul Role Shift at age 40

The last case that has been discussed was about a certain statement or decision that guides one life. Today I am going to talk about another case where you will see how a soul can give up on one decision that he has carried forward and in mid life generally in the 40’s that a new reason replaces the past decision and his role changes. When this occurs it is known that this role will be carried forward into the next one.

Rustom is a 51 year old who came to me because he was feeling sad. He felt that for the past 6 years he some how was unhappy though he had no reason to feel this. His career as a painter was doing well. He was loved by his mother and siblings. He seemed to have many friends and he was making money to support himself. He told me that he was a gay and had a steady boyfriend for the past many years but 6 years back that relationship broke off and he till date had not been able to form another relationship. This he felt was not the reason for his sadness. He was a very dutiful son and had been a provider for all.

Rustom was keen to find out what troubled him. He also said that he was always clumsy and had many falls in which he had injured his legs. He had stopped painting women since 6 years too. He felt something happened in the past which was triggered off what started happening 6 years ago. This is true; as you saw with Santosh it is at an appropriate moment, when you never anticipate any change that life takes a surprising turn.  

 There are 7 soul roles that our soul takes in different bodies to learn many of our lessons. Each of these soul roles will be seen in many of the cases that we are going to read about.

Rustom was the eldest of the three children. He was loved by his grandmother who thought the world of him. He was good at art but never took it up seriously as his father passed away early and he had to work hard and support his family. He started working young and even went to the Middle East to earn. Later he took up a job at a company in Mumbai. His sister was married but divorced a few years later. His brother too was a gay and seemed to find a partner and is happy now. Rustom was forced by his mother to meet women to get married and he did when he was younger. On one such meeting with young women he felt that he should have the guts to tell his mother what he felt. He came home that night and told his mother,’ Mum I did go out with the girl you have chosen but I was only looking at men. I don’t think I can marry this girl.’ The mother brushed it aside and said this tendency will pass once you get married. Rustom knew this was not going to happen. He told his mother- ‘ If my father had told you that he is attracted to men and not you after you got married how would you have felt’. His mother understood and has always supported him. His alternate sexual identity is something that he has chosen and is comfortable with. Sometimes this could be the life where some form of abuse has taken place and has affected your sexual identity. The cook in the house at age six had abused the boy. No one had believed him and later he never spoke about it till later date. The household was filled with omen and in his early days he was dressed as a girl and made to dance for fun. These ancient practices which possibly were there during the times of kings still are practiced by certain households is very detrimental to the health of young children. Rustom feels this caused this alternate sexuality.

But in the past life session he had a different experience. He saw a reality that shook him up. He initially in the session felt the abdominal area bloating. He felt the sensation in his stomach as if there was something inside. In the altered state he was shaking and trembling. He then indicated that he was uncomfortable and that he could feel an incision was being made. When I asked him to point where it was being done, he indicated the centre of his stomach. Very soon he saw that an infant was being born. When he was asked how he looked. He started to cry and said, ‘It’s still born, my baby is still born’. He also said that he felt dead. When I asked him whether he was dead he said, ‘No I feel dead.’ Sometimes the death of a child during childbirth creates the dead energy and this is what the mother carries with her all through her life and even later on if there have been no more children to soothe her. Rustom relived a life as a woman who was a widow and then also lost her child. He saw that he continued living as a woman but felt abandoned and sad through her life. When he experienced the moment of death he carried the following thought forms.

  No one cares what happens to me.

  I don’t want to be a woman and suffer.

  Children are not for me.

 No intimacy

When he was born in this life what did he choose first to feel abandoned- loss of the father to continue the thought forms that he had carried? He developed feminine traits which come from being women before. He decided not to get intimate with women. Not marry and have children. He chose to become a man so that he could control his actions and not get exposed to pain again. But the energy of the woman that he carried. Need to care, love and nurture were the opportunities that he had not enjoyed before he did now. He cared for everyone and provided for all. This is the role of the caregiver or the caretaker which many people have. They try and do things unconditionally with out asking anything in return. Nurses are in this role.

 At 41 years when his job was done his life changed. His paintings which he used to gift to his friends was liked by an art dealer. The art dealer called up and promised him his first independent art show one year later. Rustom could not believe. He did not have the confidence to deliver. But his mother encouraged him and he left his job and started painting and today is a celebrated painter. Life opened for him his next soul role which he will carry forward into his next life. This is the role of the Artist. At this moment he may be battling with issues of being not as famous as he would like to be.

 Seeing this life gave him the answers as to why he was gay. Thus sadness at himself left him and today he feels much better.

The other complain that he had come for was the injury on his feet and legs that used to occur frequently.

 He saw a life where he felt he was standing on the parapet of a building. He felt water rising up from below. When he was guided he suddenly saw that he was stuck in a lift. When I asked what kind of lift he answered – a service lift. Now sometimes in the session the person may go back and forth while narrating the incident and so guidance and grounding in the session has to be done. Then he saw that there was fire because of some short circuit. When he was asked to see where he was and from where the fire was coming, he replied that he was now in a basement and that there was fuel pipes running criss cross and he and many others were stuck in the basement. Slowly he described the situation and how everywhere there was noise. (Many people can hear and smell in the session). He experienced the rush and the stampede taking place. The fumes were growing larger and they were engulfing the area where they were standing. He knew that he was a worker in this fuel plant. There was fire and the fumes and flames moved to the higher floor where they were trying to save themselves. He felt his legs burn and get completely scarred. He and the others died in this fire and he felt completely imbalanced. The person after he dies is guided through the higher planes and to take help and messages from his guides. Rustom was very scared and after death the messages that were coming were not received well by him as he carried the feeling of defeat and abandonment which is similar to the previous life where too as a woman he felt that life is not worth it. Thus he saw two lives where he had the same pattern and thus now he needed to take cue from both these lives that he saw and do something where he needed to take risk and feel appreciated. Thus the soul role of the artist has opened where now the concentration is more on attention, appreciation, expression and creativity. He does not want to concentrate on family responsibility as a husband though he has taken on family responsibility. This also indicates that his soul level is still evolving and so immature. Thus the young soul level that he has will not allow him to take more at this point. One step at a time.

Rustom is doing well now. 3 months later he is feeling happier and he has not had a single trip or fall. He is has started painting women and accepting his sexual identity as a positive step in his karmic learning.