Self Sabotage

Uma a 65 year old has been suffering for the last 9 months. Her husband died of kidney failure and she is feeling very depressed. Now that’s natural. Mourning in times like this heals as tears wash away much of the pain. After some time the person recovers and continues to live maybe with a heavy heart. She carries on her duties and after some time blends with her life routine. Uma has been unable to do this. What could be the reason for this?

Uma’s Husband was a patient of kidney transplant. Her life for nearly 20 years revolved around him. He had kept her engaged in his illness. She would be busy with his medical tests, medicines, regular dialysis outings and rigorous food timetable. She had to keep a check on his water intake and also dissuade his fetish for extra salt. He loved potatoes and so she had to make an extra effort to get him to eat other vegetables. His sweet tongue also had to be kept in check for the fear of developing diabetes. For nearly two decades Uma was a nurse maid to her husband. In spite of such devotion her husband was abusive and used to call her names, one of them was bullock or in Gujarati Baladh. She used to cry at her Kismet and pray when she will be released from this torture.

Her husband died and it was assumed that after the initial grief she will be relieved and return to now enjoying the rest of her life. This somehow has not happened. Instead she is feeling terribly guilty that her wish to be free has got her husband to die. She has started punishing herself. Her husband used to say that when I am no more you will sit on this black sofa and rot. She is continuing to play the victims role as pain has become comfortable for her. She has been unable to experience pleasure as she was never given the confidence that she is worthy.

It is so important in life for couples to understand that one’s partner is not ones slave but an individual who has the right to personal gratification. I advice each one of you to develop a personal pleasure principle which is engaged in or indulged in without your partner. It will see you through the most difficult times in life if you are ever lonely.

Please be your best friend!!!

Walking Meditation

All of us spend some time walking every-day. Some of us walk home from work, others walk their children to school, visit the market or take their pet for a stroll. It does not matter what the time of the day is.. the meditation is done while you walk.

Walking can get you to reconnect to your soul. It can teach you about your feet, breath, heart and the rhythm of the soul. A walk can give you personal insights and revelations. The various twists and turns on the path can correspond to your life events.

The five fold rules for walking meditation:

1)  As you take the first step focus your attention inwards.

2)  Set an intention. An intention is a question or statement that a person in search of guidance sends to the universe. It can be a prayer like ‘I am open to receiving guidance about ( specify the issue)  

3)  Choose a specific mantra to calm your mind. You can also focus on your breath inhale and exhale as you take the first few steps to un-clutter your mind.

4)   As you know walk just focused on the breath and in rhythm in some time the guidance will appear.

Walking meditation is so unique that by the end of your thirty minute walk you will feel rejuvenated and the belief in your power of intention manifestation will grow.

Practice it and do let me know how it has benefitted you.

Happy walking!!!

When the world sings I hum. When the world shouts I hum.

The world is filled with sounds and these sounds fill us.
Sometimes these sounds are too loud and disturb our inner peace. Sometimes these sounds echo in our head and drown our inner silence. These reverberate and make us imbalanced. Sometimes there are so many sounds that their crazy tones make us feel we are going insane. If you feel that

 yourself going out of control it is possible that you have entertained too many external thoughts and deemed them as your own. The distinction between self and others has blurred and the boundary has dissolved. This is when we lose ourselves in the quagmire of madness.
Most people whose thinking has been losing its grip don’t really come to a psychologist but they continue to exist in the world coping with their inner demons and maybe one fine day decide to either end their lives or turn a recluse. Some or rather most continue to enslave others with their delusions and others turn to alcohol and other addictive substances for relief.
For all of us who are trying …very hard to live I suggest a simple exercise which is effective and can reign in our horses.
Humming is a wonderful spiritual exercise which creates inner silence and debugs your mind quickly. When you feel the traffic horns… screeching in your ears..HUM. When the movers and packers haven’t come..HUM. When the children run all over you..HUM. When the husband demands or your wife fumes..HUM.
First hum loudly like a whistle so the rest wonder what’s up with you and slowly allow yourself to hum very softly so that even you can’t hear. Practice it regularly and see the difference in how quickly you can quiet your mind.
So happy humming.

Letting Go

A relationship can survive and mend itself if the couple does not dissect it. Dissection is done for postmortem of the dead. If you want your relationship to survive just let go of the intense desire to analyze. The more you analyze the more skeletons will tumble. This will lead to heartburn and distrust. You will wonder at the choice of your spouse and the wonderful time you spent as a lie. This 

may not have been true. A short excursion must not be looked as your spouse’s future wish.
Couples will always wipe out all the wonderful years spent together as if they never happened. They only remember and mess around with the little distraction. Let go of this incessant need to dissect every detail of this deviation. This does not amount to forgetting or forgiving but just letting go of the obsessive behavior that will get you nowhere… but to hell.

Letting go is wonderful. It is a way of becoming resilient. It’s a way of gently bending, allowing yourself to veer through the thoughts and feelings without trying to will change but letting change happen. To will is being in control of something that you can’t let go. Will means repression and stacking things deep means hiding them. Thinking that they don’t exist. This is a lie. If you just let go there is no one you have to answer and no answer to be got. It’s so relieving, so accepting and completely freeing.

Garbage Bin

Are you going out of your mind once a day??
If you are then it’s the best path to be sane.

You must be wondering what that means? Well if your mind is driving you crazy then it’s important to go out of the mind at least once a day. This way you will be able to dis-identify from your mind. This is important. We have identified ourselves with our body to such a great extent that what happens to the

 body happens to me. The object becomes the subject. The body becomes me, similarly the thoughts become identified with me too. So when you have negative thoughts you say, ‘I am negative.’ Very rarely are we able to choose words that will allow ourselves to remain in a frame of dis-identification. This is vital for good health. Let me give you some practical tips on doing this.
1) Recognize: When you are in a difficult situation recognize the thoughts which are zipping past your mind’s landscape.
2) Re-organize: Sift off the negative thoughts and put them in an imagery garbage bin. Allow them to stay there gathering through the day.
3) Recall : Now when you return home sit quietly and take out a diary. Call it your garbage bin. Write out all the negative thoughts that you had put in your imaginary bin through the day. Remember don’t stress yourself too much to recall. If you can’t then you have developed the ability to Let go!! That’s great!!
4) Reaffirm: This will reaffirm that negativity is not permanent but it is we who hold on to it. We don’t want to see it go out of our mind.
5) Realize: We can accelerate forgetting by doing this exercise and going out of our mind at least once a day. You will very soon realize that the garbage bin empties involuntarily. It’s the mind that does not allow you to believe you are bigger than it.

So don’t be a slave of the mind..make it your friend so it always stays by your side not within.

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